Posts Tagged ‘what is coaching’
Your Personal Treasure Chest
Sometimes it is helpful to review several of the basic components of THE ENCHANTED SELF. That’s what I’ve decided to do this time.
Discovering your ENCHANTED SELF is a new way for you to achieve better mental and physical health. It is based on research documenting that within each of us there resides the capacity for achieving states of well-being again and again.
What makes THE ENCHANTED SELF different from other holistic therapies are the tools we use on the journey. One of the major tools I use is to encourage people to tap into their own personal memory banks, looking for positive memories that either made you feel good or contained within them aspects of your talents, skills, or potential.
Usually I talk about memories that we retrieve via our mind. However, I want to mention that memories are not just housed in our minds. Memories also reside in our bodies. Learning how to look for positive memories and listen to the wisdom of our body is also part of THE ENCHANTED SELF journey or process. I talk much less about the body than the mind. However, it is very much a factor in the experience of delight and maintaining a sense of well-being.
If I enjoyed rocking on the porch as a child I may well enjoy the slow circular movements of Tai Chi as an adult. If I hated roller skating as a kid and feared falling, I may not want to do anything that involves slipping and sliding as an adult.
Searching for your ENCHANTED SELF is akin to going on a treasure hunt. It is very thrilling to reach into your treasure chest of stored memories and discover strengths and talents that were never recognized or validated. It’s like finding a diamond in the rough just waiting to be polished.
In my book, THE ENCHANTE SELF, A Positive Therapy, I discuss how I too had to reframe some of my past.
I was amazed to look at myself and what I did again and now see strengths and talents that I had not celebrated.
Like any new endeavor, people may sometimes find it difficult to begin the journey. What really helped me was seeing that even parts of myself that I had not valued earlier because I felt uncomfortable about them or the culture didn’t support those traits, ultimately helped to define me, give me shape as a person and literally became the components of my life story.
Those details are presented in my first book and are way beyond the scope of this little article, but here is a simple play date with Enchantment to get you started:
A Playdate With Enchantment
Quickly review the past twenty-four hours. Write down ten positive happenings that occurred in your life during that time. Positive happenings could be just continuing to breath, receiving a phone call from a high school friend, watching beams of sunlight sparkling in a puddle of water, playing a game of basketball or tennis, or taking a dance class.
For me, I succeeded in cleaning out one more little pile of papers, had lunch with some great friends and fought my way mentally out of a bad mood! And I haven’t finished the search. Perhaps the best moment was holding Blackie, my big obviously black cat, on my lap while sitting in the dark outside. He felt really good!
In reviewing the list we can break down these positive experiences into several categories:
1. Those that give a general sense of well being.
2. Those that reflect specific talents and interests.
3. Those that suggest potential capacities.
As we begin to realize our ENCHANTED SELVES, one of the first steps is documenting and learning to recognize what already works for us. Because the shoe already fits and feels good does not trivialize it! Celebrate what is already working for you. You enjoy your cup of coffee in the morning and the paper? Great. That is a wonderful small habit that works for you!
In our society, we have a tendency to disregard and diminish our personal small successes and states of well being. I believe this is a reflection of our tendency to focus on our dysfunction and what is not working for us, rather than what does work.
The more that we can recognize and validate what does work for us, the closer we come to achieving states of well being. That’s why I want you to really make a list of what did work and felt good in the last twenty-four hours. You may be very surprised at how much went right! As they say, try it. You’ll like it!
About The Author
Dr. Barbara Becker Holstein , originator of THE ENCHANTED SELF®, a method of bringing delight and meaning into everyday living, invites you to view her new line of ENCHANTED WOMAN products, downloadable e-books, and free gifts at http://www.enchantedself.com. Chat with others in Dr. Holstein’s e-group, http://groups.yahoo.com/group/encself/join, and sign up for her free e-group at www.enchantedself.com. Order her book, THE ENCHANTED SELF: A Positive Therapy, or the CD-rom or tape version and her book RECIPES FOR ENCHANTMENT: The Secret Ingredient is YOU!, or the ED-rom version, at http://www.enchantedself.com/ordering/ordering.htm.
Do You See Clearly?
“I don’t see how I can just make up my mind to be happy and successful; and suddenly, magically, I will be. That seems to me to be a denial of my reality. My life is a mess. I am not happy. My life is not a success.” she wrote.
She was replying to my email response to her first inquiry. She had written to ask how I could write (in a previous article in this eZine) that if you wanted to be happy, you just had to choose to be happy. I had replied, in my first email, that how we felt about ourselves and our life was entirely within our control; and once we had decided to change how we felt, thought and believed, the circumstances and conditions of our lives would change to meet our new expectations.
This conundrum is surely the ‘catch-22′ of self-improvement. You must both accept the reality of where you are at and, at the same time, deny its ultimate veracity in order to create a new, bigger and better, reality.
Now, I am not saying you should go into denial about the facts of your life. That’s a huge mistake. Many people attempt to live with their shortcomings, failures and addictions by being in denial and it does not work. Nothing gets any better that way. Often it gets even worse.
Many people also attempt to change their life by muttering some affirmation like “I am happy, healthy, wealthy and wise,” in a blind attempt to convince themselves that they are not unhappy, unhealthy, impoverished and foolish. This does not work too well either.
I am not suggesting that affirmations are not useful. They can be a very powerful tool and, used properly, they can be a big help in changing your predominant thought patterns, your core beliefs and your basic emotional outlook on life.
However, it is necessary, if we wish to improve our lot in life, to first face and accept that we have certain core beliefs, predominant thought patterns and basic emotions attitudes. Then, we also must accept that it is these very beliefs, thoughts and emotions that have created the reality that we now have in our lives.
Then, we must decide to adopt new, improved, intentional ways of believing, thinking and feeling in order to create the new reality we have idealized and desired for ourselves. This is not denial. It is the acceptance of our co-creative abilities; and, the acceptance our freedom to choose what and how to think, believe and feel. It is the taking on of the responsibility for one’s life, as it is, and as it could be.
It is the facing and accepting of the truth that we cannot blame the conditions and circumstances of our present life for how we feel, how and what we think, what we believe. It is the facing and accepting of the truth that how we have been feeling, how and what we have been thinking, what we have been believing has actually contributed to the conditions and circumstances of our lives.
What we have is a result of what we have done. What we have done is a result of how we have been. How we have been is a result of how we have felt, thought and believed about ourselves and about life as a whole.
If you want to change or improve what you have in life (the conditions, circumstances–the effects), you must address the cause. You have the power to consciously and intentionally choose your feelings, your thoughts and your beliefs. These are the cause of your happiness and success because they control how you act or react, what you do or don’t do and it is what you enact, moment-by-moment, that produces the results you get to have day-to-day.
Yes, it is tough work. However, it is not as tough as living an unhappy and unsuccessful life. Why continue to do so just because you are habituated to doing so?
So, it is not about denying the reality of how life has been until now; it is about seeing and accepting that there is a greater reality in how you choose life will be from now on. Focus your vision on the ideal. Affirm its reality. Feel its reality. Believe in its reality. Act accordingly. Don’t be surprised when it turns out to be just the way you imagined it to be.
© Leslie Fieger. All rights reserved worldwide.
Leslie is the author of The DELFIN Knowledge System Trilogy: The Initiation, The Journey and The Quest plus many more success publications. He also the co-author of The End of the World with Hugh Jeffries and Alexandra’s DragonFire with his daughter Ashley. Subscribe to his free and ad-free eZine at http://www.ProsperityParadigm.com or http://www.LeslieFieger.com.
Reprinting and republishing of this article is granted only with the above credit included. Permission to reprint or republish does not waive any copyright.
Is Time Really Easier to Sell than Products? Generate Extra Revenue by Packaging Up What You Know
Over the years I’ve worked with very many coaches and consultants who make their money by selling blocks of time.
This is great but anyone who’s done it – also knows that when they stop working (and selling time) the money soon dries up too. This predicament is not only potentially dangerous, especially for smaller firms, but can leave you feeling trapped by your own success. There’s often never any rest without that guilty, sinking, feeling that while you’re not working you’re not earning.
So, on top of selling time, I encourage people to turn their knowledge into an information product so they can earn additional money even while they’re sleeping or having a well-earned rest, enjoying a hobby or reading a book.
Strangely though, many of these people who are so good at selling time come completely unstuck when it comes to doing the same with products. In fact, one high-earning coach I spoke to recently said, “I think you will find that selling products takes a lot more time and effort than selling services.”
Well does he have a point?
If you’re interested in turning what you know into a book, e-book, e-course or audio programme to add kudos to your main business and to bring in a bit more money each month then today’s article will come in handy.
Selling products doesn’t necessarily take a lot more time and effort than selling services – though the rules are very different…
If you have an appropriate plan (and a good target) it’s very likely they’ll be just as difficult/easy as each other – though making a lot of money quickly from products is very often harder than people think.
Making lots of money out of products does take a bit longer and it’s unlikely that a handful of CDs and books will make you into an overnight millionaire as many of these “turn your knowledge into a million quid” internet marketing “gurus” would have you believe.
An Example… We sell information products for £15 each on average (though we’ve successfully sold some for £100+) whereas I can sell time for £650-£1000 a day (excluding speaking engagements where this rate can be hourly). Therefore the ‘quantity-quality’ ratio is very different between the two. You need much bigger numbers to make products pay off.
With products of a comparatively low price you have to play a big numbers game (where the quality of the relationship is basically transactional). So it’s the high quantity of people you need to reach that can make selling products seem harder.
Now with high value services, you may only need to sell a handful of days (where the quality of the relationship is way beyond a mere transaction) a month, to earn a decent income – which makes selling time seem easier.
Now, if you didn’t already know, I stopped selling time (and taking on new clients) early in 2004 to focus on producing and selling information products instead.
So, why did I choose to stop selling time to focus 100% on products if I can make plenty of money selling time?
Because you can only effectively maintain a set number of high-quality (high-time-demand) clients without having to take on more people. This sets a limit (based on hours you’re willing to work) on your own personal earning potential. Transactional clients (people who buy a product) don’t need the same time/resource (ie personal attention, accountability – beyond a product guarantee or high skill level) which vastly increases your overall earning potential from products. You can even earn money while you’re playing ping-pong, flying a kite, or anything else you like to do with your spare time.
But the key distinction here is “earning potential”. Intellectually, selling products seems a nice and easy way to earn income – but realising the “potential” is flippin’ difficult as I’ve found out.
After focusing on products for a few years now we’re finally earning as much selling products as we were when we were just selling time – but now there are only 2 full time people to share the money with rather than 11!
So anyone thinking that giving up your consulting or coaching business and just doing products is an easy way to get rich – it isn’t – but when you’ve got the revenue coming in from almost passive sources then the ceiling on your overall earning potential can increase beyond the number of hours you are willing to exchange for cash.
And for me, time (and the freedom to spend it however you wish) is far more important than overall income.
If you’re keen to write the next business bestseller – here are a few resources that might come in handy…
* Get Yourself Published – Suzan St Maur
* Release The Book Within – Jo Parfitt
* Lean Marketing Press – Our 50-50 Publishing Deal
‘Dangerous’ Debbie Jenkins
debs@debbiejenkins.com
(c) Copyright 2005 www.BookShaker.com
SUMMER CAN BE SLOW FOR BUSINESS
But don’t let that get in the way of your success.
This is the ideal time to work on your business
rather than in it. Get 2 F’REE eBooks and prepare
for more success with less effort here…
http://www.leanmarketing.co.uk
I’m wondering if… You Know Other People who should be reading this too? So do us all a favour (they get 2 free books – we get a new subscriber – you get to look good) when you Pass On This link… http://www.leanmarketing.co.uk
Going On a Mental Diet
Diets are always in style. Every time you turn around, someone is coming out with a new and improved diet. The latest craves are the Atkins Diet, the South Beach Diet, and Dr. Phil even has a diet he’s promoting. Everyone is on a diet.
That’s how I came up with the idea of a “mental” diet.
I thought it would be interesting if we put our mentality on a diet.
What I mean by this is let’s, for the next month or two, go on a mental diet. Let’s watch what we are feeding into our subconscious mind. What I mean by this is let’s pay close attention to the stuff that we feed into our conscious mind and make sure that we are only feeding POSITIVE thoughts into our mind.
Let’s pretend that negative thoughts are the new carbs. And every time you feed negative thoughts into your mind, it’s like eating an entire cheesecake-with strawberries on the top.
Take time to stop and pay attention to the thoughts that penetrate your subconscious mind for the next month or two; you might be surprise by the amount of negative images that are fed into your conscious mind every day and even every second of the day.
Just to prove this thought, let’s do an experiment. Today or tomorrow, when you are at work, go somewhere that a lot of employees congregate. It could be the coffee maker, the water cooler, the smoking section or the cafeteria-and eavesdrop on the conversations.
If you do this, you will realize that most people are negative. I’m sure they are not even aware of the negative thoughts or the negative energy they are putting out all day every day. If you just listen to the conversations you will most likely hear nothing but complaining. They will be complaining about their work load; about their supervisor; about their spouse; about their children; about their day-complain, complain, complain, on just about anything and everything.
On a mental diet, it is your job to stop all the negative thoughts and images that come into your mind. If you find yourself engaging in negative conversation, remember, you are on a mental diet. You cannot feed negative thoughts into your mind for the next couple of months.
Watching the news and certain television shows is out of the question–too much negativity. Now, I know that some of you are news junkies and that you may have news withdrawal. But don’t worry. If there is anything that happens that is really news worthy, you will know. Someone will feel compelled to tell you-trust me.
In order to change your life, you must change the way you think. There’s no other way around it.
To become more aware of HOW you think, you have to become aware of your thoughts and your habits. Everything that you do is out of habit-the way you walk, talk, work, dress, and behave is out of your conditioning.
Your conditioning comes from years of doing things a certain way. The way you do things is due to the fact that you have programmed your subconscious mind to work in a certain way. If you want to change your life, you have to change your programming. In order to change your programming, you must first become aware of the negative thoughts that are penetrating your subconscious mind.
People who are successful are those who have learned to eliminate their negative thoughts-they are on mental diets. They only allow positive thoughts to penetrate their subconscious mind. All negative thoughts are rejected.
Discovering your life’s purpose is the easy part. LIVING your life’s purpose is the hardest part because of your previous subconscious programming. In order to make changes you must go on a mental diet and change your negative thoughts such as “Who would ever pay me to do that?” “I can’t do anything other than what I have been doing, even if I hate the job that I presently have.” “I have no talents and no abilities.”
These are the negative thoughts that we MUST eliminate in order to move forward with our lives.
ACTION POINT: DO NOT, I repeat, DO NOT allow any negative thoughts to enter your mind for the next few weeks. If you find yourself having a negative thought, participating in a negative conversation, or viewing negative images-STOP. Replace the negative thought with a positive thought. If you are engaging in a negative conversation-STOP, and walk away, or better yet, tell the person you are conversing with that you are on a mental diet and refuse to participate in any negative chitchat.
If you seriously go on a mental diet, you will start seeing the results in your life. Positive attracts positive. Negative attracts negative. Like attracts like. It’s the law of attraction. It works all the time. Change your thoughts and you can change your life.
Dawn Fields is a motivational speaker, author and spiritual life coach who teaches about discovering and living your life’s purpose. Visit the web site at http://www.dawnfields.com and be sure to tune into her radio show, Your Life’s Purpose Interactive Internet Radio Show each Thursday at 9 p.m. EST at http://www.dawnfields.com/radioshow.htm. Be sure to sign up for Your Life’s Purpose weekly newsletter by sending a blank email to dawn@dawnfields.com
with SUBSCRIBE in the subject line.
Curbing the Public Nuisance (Part 1)
He’s been around since the dawn of humanity. His profession is even older than the world’s oldest profession. He’s been loathed and reviled by politicians, bureaucrats and hot dog vendors.
I am speaking, of course, of the public nuisance.
He was that slithery dude in the Garden of Eden, taunting folks to shoplift. “Go on. Take a bite of the apple. The grocer will never know it’s misssssing.”
Even in caveman days, the public nuisance was the one who would always have a practical joke to play on somebody. “Hee, hee. Thag not looking. I go paint his fire green so it look like bush. He no be able to find fire. Hee, hee. OUCH! Ooh. Ooh. Yowwww. That hot!”
He is the opinionated loudmouth who can’t keep his trap shut. “I told Caesar the Coliseum should be built on the west side of town. ‘Caesar,’ I said. ‘The Coliseum should be built on the west side of town.’ But did he listen to me? No-o. Did he build the Coliseum on the west side of town? No-o.”
“So…that’s why the lions are drooling on the other side of that door?”
“Ah…well, yes, actually.”
The public nuisance is that whiner who can’t stop complaining about the weather. “Aw, c’mon Leonardo. Why don’t you invent something useful, for a change? Like better weather.”
“What’s wrong with the weather?”
“What’s wrong? What’s wrong?! It’s too cold when I want it to be too hot. It’s too hot when I want it to be too cold. It rains when I work in the fields. It gets dry when the crops need rain. And did you see how the wind blew the other night…”
The public nuisance has been with us throughout the ages, playing music too loud in public places.
“What’s that racket?”
“I think some teenagers are playing their lutes a little loud.”
“Well how’s a middle-aged lady supposed to get any sleep around here?”
“But what can I do?”
“You’re a knight, for goodness sake. Get your horse and your lance and run them down. “
But, like all good things, even the public nuisance has been transformed by technological advances. We no longer rely on manual labor to provide public nuisance services to the population. Machines supply all the disturbance we could possibly desire.
Automation of the public nuisance was inevitable. As cities expanded, it was getting harder and harder for the public nuisance to be everywhere at once and provide adequate disturbance to the entire population.
It was also very inefficient to have individual public nuisances repeating the same tasks in each part of town.
And then there was the issue of quality control. Who would ensure that all the public nuisances were serving the community to the same standards? Who would ensure accountability and integrity? Some public nuisances have been known to take payola.
“Hey. You. What’s that stench?”
“I’m just cracking a few eggs to throw at your house.”
“Why at my house? What did I do?”
“Nothing. But you have a fancy house and I figured you would be most willing to provide me an incentive to throw them somewhere else.”
“What!? This is extortion!”
“Yes.”
“I see. Well, Smithers down the road has been way too uppity this week, so here’s a little something to go be a his public nuisance tonight.”
“Thank you, Sir. It’s been a pleasure disturbing you.”
I was stumped. I really had no idea how to end this column. “Maybe the public nuisance should be a she,” I mused
“Why a she?” my wife asked.
“Because people complain if I just assume my characters are “he”. The trouble is, whenever I make them “she”, somebody wants to know why I’m picking on women.”
“They would if you make the public nuisance a woman,” my wife observed.
“Are you saying women are never nuisances?”
“Everybody knows that you men cause all the public disturbances,” my wife poked me.
“That’s because men get bored you women try on more clothes and more clothes and more clothes. We are just trying to keep things interesting”
“Men have such a short attention span…”
Suddenly I knew how to end the column: In our household, we have no need for a public nuisance ? automated or manual. We each have our own private nuisance, whom we love very much.
“That’s no way to end a column,” my private nuisance insisted. “Why not tell them about how you would get rid of public nuisances once and for all?”
“Shhh. Don’t tell them. That’s next week’s column.”
About The Author
David Leonhardt is a freelance writer: http://www.seo-writer.net/freelance/writer.html
And an SEO consultant: http://www.seo-writer.net/freelance/seo-consultant.html
He is author of Climb Your Stairway to Heaven: http://www.iuniverse.com/bookstore/book_detail.asp?isbn=0-595-17826-X
Read more personal growth articles: http://www.thehappyguy.com/self-actualization-articles.html
Growing On G.R.O.W ? A More Specific Coaching Model For Busy Managers
The effective coaching of employees by their line managers is fast becoming an expectation from both senior management and from the employees themselves. Many managers are now being taught how best to coach their employees by employing the standard coaching model called G.R.O.W, where G equates to the Goal to be achieved, R to the Reality of the present situation, O for Options available and W for the Way Forward and Will.
G.R.O.W, constructed by Graham Alexander and championed by Sir John Whitmore, is a well-established coaching model and an excellent “starter” model to enable managers to get used to using a structure for coaching. Very competent managers and coaches can use the G.R.O.W. model effectively by taking time and ensuring depth at each of the four stages but busy managers or less competent managers and coaches can tend to “skip” through the stages which, can often result in the following scenarios:
? An acceptance of Goals or Objectives without checking the validity of the reasons behind wanting to achieve these goals or objectives.
? A lack of full understanding of the Performance Gap between the present situation and the desired outcome.
? A lack of exploration in the Options phase meaning that only a few options and probably the more traditional “tried and tested” options are highlighted.
? Not enough time spent checking the Motivation of the employee to move the actions forward and also discussing how the manager is going to provide onward support.
G.R.O.W provides a structure but may not provide enough “discipline” for busy managers to ensure adequate depth of understanding and support.
The OUTCOMES® coaching model has been designed to enable managers and sales managers to undertake more structured and productive coaching sessions with their employees and sales executives than perhaps they have been used to. The increased structure will result in more depth to their coaching and as such will enable an increase in more understanding, motivation and commitment to action than they may have experienced with other coaching models such as G.R.O.W.
OUTCOMES® provides more structure than G.R.O.W simply by the fact that there are more distinct stages that a manager or coach must adhere to. The initial reaction from most managers I have introduced it to has been one of initial frustration in that with it having more distinct stages to go through and check, it can take more time to implement. However, once the managers understand the reasons for the extra steps and the fact that if they use this model carefully, they will get good results, the managers have warmed to the model.
So what are the stages behind OUTCOMES®?
I am going to guide you through the model by way of a “coaching conversation” between Mark, the manager and Jonathan, the employee
O ? Objectives
It is important that the objective for the coaching session is established at the onset. What are the specific reasons for meeting and what exactly would the employee look to achieve as a result of the coaching session?
In all situations it is vital that a desired outcome or objective for the session is identified and the manager must take time to fully establish exactly what is to be achieved. Only that way can the coaching session be measured in terms of its effectiveness.
Questions to ask:
What would you like to discuss and what would you like to get out of the session?
What specifically do you want to achieve in this session?
How specifically can I help you?
How will you know that we have achieved our objectives for this session?
Be careful when accepting outcomes or objectives that cannot be realised within the course of the coaching session. Sometimes employees can come with weird and wonderful challenges and ideas and many expect solutions from one coaching session. Manage their expectations and break down the challenge or idea into manageable “chunks” so that you achieve something every session on the way to achieving the overall objective. Some objectives need to be broken down this way into smaller objectives and actions before the overall objective is realised.
Let’s start our coaching conversation between Mark and Jonathan.
Jonathan was a new employee and was attending his first review session with Mark, his line manager. Mark had contracted well with Jonathan in terms of how they were going to work together and he had also outlined that the review sessions were for Jonathan to use Mark’s coaching skills to support him to find solutions to any challenges and ideas that he had within his role. Jonathan’s mindset, based in previous experience of managers, was that this “one to one” was really just an opportunity for the manager to “check up” on what he had been up to. Jonathan did have an issue in that he was way behind with a report which is due to be handed in to another manager the following week and as such he was no way near finished it.
At the start of the meeting, Mark again outlined the aims of the “one to one” and then started the OUTCOMES® process by firstly establishing what Jonathan’s objectives were for the meeting:
Mark: “Jonathan. What specifically would you like to achieve over the next half hour?”
Jonathan: “I thought I would bring you up to date with my overall progress.”
Mark: “Anything in particular you would like support on?”
Jonathan: “I don’t think so.”
Mark: “If there was one thing in particular which if you could find a better way forward it would help your progress, what would it be?”
Jonathan: “Well. I do have to get a report in and I am already behind schedule. I would like some support in getting this finished.”
U ? Understanding
This stage is an important one in that it is vital that the manager or coach fully understands the reasons behind why the person being coached wants to achieve a particular goal or objective. It also helps if the person being coached fully understands why they want to achieve that particular goal!
You will find that on many occasions, employees identify objectives which they think the manager wants to hear. This happens if the employee has not fully committed to coaching and/or is suspicious of the manager’s motives and intentions. Perhaps they see the “one to one” as an assessment as opposed to a developmental meeting. If they do then they will be tend to be defensive and not as open to learning as they should be.
A good coaching manager will seek to establish why a particular objective is looking to be achieved. Once this has been established it not only helps the manager to understand but also reinforces the drive in the employee to attempt to achieve the objective.
Mark: “This report that you have to get completed, tell me why it is important to you that you get this report done, and on time?”
Jonathan: “I am new to the company and want to impress, so getting this report in shows that I am both keen and capable. If I don’t get it in on time then there may be some questions asked about my capability and commitment”
Let’s stop the case study there. It would have been the easiest thing in the world for Mark to suddenly jump in and start giving advice as to how to finish the report. This is the typical manager’s response. But, Mark, by asking the question as to why it is important for Jonathan to get the report right and on time, is ensuring that Jonathan is identifying and reinforcing within himself the need to get this report right. He is now more open to Mark’s coaching and Mark is now more aware of Jonathan’s desire to get the report right.
T ? Take Stock
If we continue the coaching conversation involving Mark and Jonathan the next stage of the OUTCOMES® model is to ensure that both parties have a complete understanding of where Jonathan is in relation to the overall objective which is to ensure that he has the tools and drive to complete the report.
Mark: “So, Jonathan, it transpires that you have a report to finish by next week and that you feel you are slightly behind with this.”
Jonathan: “Yes”
Mark: “How useful would it be if we worked on this together over the next half hour in order that you went away from here confident and with further information that would enable you to complete the course?”
Jonathan: “Very useful”
Mark: “OK. Tell me more about exactly what stage you are at with the report”.
Jonathan: “I have written the executive summary but I am struggling to find the information I need to complete the report”.
Mark: “What information specifically do you feel you need?”
Jonathan: “I cannot find the sales data for Product X from the last three years.”
Mark: “If you were able to access this data would this be sufficient to complete the report?”
Jonathan: “Well, yes. Although I may also need a bit of support to graph the figures.”
Mark: “If we got you support to be able to graph the figures, would this mean you could now complete the report?”
Jonathan: “Yes.”
Mark: “OK. So basically you have a report to finish by the end of next week and in order to do this you need to access three years sales data for Product X and learn how to graph these figures?”
Jonathan: “Yes”
Again, let’s stop the coaching conversation there. Mark has now established the current situation in other words they have both “Taken Stock”. Mark must now establish and clarify the exact gap that has to be “closed”.
C ? Clarify the Gap.
It is important that the manager now fully establishes exactly what has to be done in order for the employee to realise their objective. Let’s follow Mark’s coaching with Jonathan.
Mark: “Jonathan, exactly what sales figures do you require to finish this report?”
Jonathan: “I need Sales per year, quarter and by month along with growth and market share, and of course I need to present these graphically. I would like to do decent line graphs and pie-charts but don’t know where to start.”
Mark: “Anything else you would like or need?”
Jonathan: “Perhaps, some help in putting the report into a nice professional binder”
Mark: “OK. So if we can enable you to get the figures that your require plus support to graph it and present it professionally, you will have achieved your outcome?”
Jonathan: “Absolutely”
Mark is now at the stage where the outcome has been defined, the reasons established and the exact amount that has to be done identified. Mark must now ensure that he continues to coach Jonathan appropriately as opposed to just tell him where to get all these figures etc.
O ? Options Generation.
Mark: “In terms of sales figures, what have you done so far in attempting to get these?”
Jonathan: “I looked at the Sales Department’s recent communication but it only gives figures for the last six months. I need three years worth. I left voicemail messages and sent an e-mail but to no avail as I have received no replies”
Mark: “Where else could you try?”
Jonathan: “I could speak to IT, I suppose. They should have all the data on file somewhere.”
Mark: “Anything else you could do?”
Jonathan: “I really should chase up the sales guys. I actually don’t like not receiving a reply to messages that I have left!”
Mark: “What about learning how to graph the data?”
Jonathan: “IT as well?”
Mark: “Could be! You may also find that both IT and the Sales people will have the capability to show you how to present your report.
So, where are you now with a way forward?”
Jonathan: “I am going to chase up the sales guys again, perhaps even go over to their department as opposed to leaving voicemails or e-mails. I will also check with IT.”
Mark: “And the graphs and binding?”
Jonathan: “I will check with both these departments as well in relation to both the graphs and the binding”
M ? Motivate to Action
The temptation will be for many managers to leave the coaching conversation at this point but it is important that you check the motivation and capability of the person to carry out the tasks. Otherwise the action may not happen.
Mark: “Great. How confident do you feel about approaching these departments?”
Jonathan: “Now you mention it, I don’t really know anyone there and as I am new they will not know me. So I suppose, not as confident as I would like”
Mark: “What do you need to make you feel more confident?”
Jonathan: “Perhaps a personal introduction. Or even if I could just use your name?”
Mark: “Sure, just say I sent you over and you are probably best to seek out James in IT and Sally in Sales.”
E ? Enthusiasm and Encouragement.
At this stage the employee should be motivated to action and now it needs some re-inforcement from the manager.
Mark: “I am pleased with your progress Jonathan since you have been with us. Keep up the good work and thanks for the effort that you are putting in.”
Doesn’t take long to say but it can be worth one “hell of a lot” to an employee to hear these words. Sadly too many managers fail at this juncture. Also very few managers actually offer any form of support and the last stage of the OUTCOMES® model is to ensure that support is discussed.
S ? Support
Mark: “Is there any way I can be of support in enabling you to complete the reports?”
Jonathan: “At this stage I have all the information I need to move forward. If, though, I can’t contact James and Sally because of whatever reason, can I give you a call?
Mark: “Sure. Try these people and their departments first. I am sure they will help you out”.
We come to the end of our coaching conversation and we have a situation where the employee, Jonathan has come with an issue and left with action and motivation, coupled with a satisfaction in knowing that his manager, Mark, is there if he ever needs support.
Obviously it is not always this simple and that there will always be situations where the coaching conversation will be more complex but I hope that this example gives you a flavour of how to use the OUTCOMES® coaching model.
Allan Mackintosh is a Performance Management Coach with Reivers Development Ltd and who also oversees the Management Coaching Consultancy, Performance Management Coaching. He is the author of The Successful Coaching Manager book and the creator of the OUTCOMES® and CARERS? performance coaching models.
He can be contacted on 00 44 1292 318152 or e-mail at allan@pmcscotland.com
Web: http://www.reivers-dev.com and http://www.pmcscotland.com
Loving Every Phenomenal Part of You
Have you ever wished yourself away? I am not referring to leaving your precious life on this Earth; but rather, just wished you weren’t a certain way or did not have some particular qualities and mannerisms that were so apparent to you. I know I have.
In the past, I’ve had a very difficult time when others would point out my weaknesses to me, either constructively or not-so tactfully. I would think, ” Wow, not only do I think these are big problems I have, but now everyone else sees them as well.” I would hope and pray that these parts of my personality would disappear into the deep character trait abyss. I would pretend to myself they weren’t present or I would try my hardest to cover them up. I spent a lot of time and energy on hiding these areas that I wanted so desperately to vanish.
A big first step in learning to love oneself and in self-forgiveness is accepting every part of you as the unique person that you are. All of your so-labeled liabilities can be tweaked into assets, but they must first be accepted. Otherwise, you are pushing against the grain and not being authentic to your true self.
Let me give you an example of what I am talking about. In all of my past serious relationships, I have loved very passionately- so much so, that I’ve depended on the other person in the relationship for my happiness (what is commonly referred to as co-dependence). My moods depended on their moods, their well-being, or were correlated to the way they were treating me at the time. One can argue that this is not really love. I feel it was love, but with a very important component missing-that passionate love for myself? With it, the “dysfunctional” one-sided relationships may have flourished or an even more likely scenario~ I would have probably not attracted them in the first place (but that’s a topic for another day). Once I accepted this as a part of my unique persona I was able to direct it in a more healthy manner-passionate love for my child, my work, my family, my faith, and most importantly, myself.
You may find your dark sides in anger, co-dependence, low self-esteem or a combination of these or other perhaps not so desirable traits. We are missing a part of us by wishing these traits weren’t ours and not owning up to every inch of them. If we are only loving a part of ourselves or of others, we are not fully engaged in the experience of love. You know that feeling of being in a relationship where the other person may “kind of like you” or you “kind of like them”. It doesn’t flourish, and neither party is truly happy. It has been said by finding an area in which you have found the most struggles, therein lies your true purpose. These are gifts for us to embrace; lessons are presented for us to learn. Think of one of your greatest challenges-has that not shaped who you are today? When you are in the midst of it, it can be difficult; but when you step back, you see the beauty of it all.
Accept your yin and your yang. Accept your dark and your light. Accept your failures and your successes. I am not suggesting that we use this as an excuse to not participate in personal development or self-care, or to neglect to learn those lessons that are often presented to us throughout our lives. Instead I am suggesting that we embrace our unique selves and know that we are not on this Earth to take up space but rather to fulfill a beautiful life of our dreams in our own special way~ every valuable bit of us.
“If you can’t accept yourself, then certainly no one else will.” ~Author Unknown
Copyright 2005~Deborah Shipley is a registered yoga teacher, publisher of a free monthly e-zine on self-esteem, and an e-book author. This article may be distributed provided the author’s information is included in its entirety. http://www.tipsforinterpersonalskills.com
Could You Be A Workaholic?
If you need to put on boots and grab a lap-top computer to relieve yourself at night, you might be a redneck workaholic.
It never crossed my mind that there could be such a thing as a redneck workaholic, until I read a column on “Are you a workaholic?”
“Did you read this?” I asked my wife. “Are you a workaholic? It looks just like those you-might-be-a-redneck jokes.”
My wife studied the page. “Maybe it was written by a redneck alcoholic.” She suggested.
“Workaholic, not alcoholic.”
“How do you know the writer is not an alcoholic?” she demanded.
“I don’t. But the column is about workaholics, and it reads just like a series of redneck jokes.”
“Well, maybe it was written by a redneck workaholic, then.” She suggested.
“No way. There is no such a thing.”
“Why not?” she wanted to know.
“Because workaholics sit late in front of computer screens and steroid-laced in-boxes, wearing $500 suits and $550 haircuts. Folks out here wear $19.95 jeans and occasionally wash their hair.”
“But many of them do spend late hours in front of their computers,” my wife pointed out.
“Like who?”
“Like you.”
“Oh, yeah?”
“Being a workaholic is not just about computers and offices and taking out a mortgage for a haircut,” she added. “Look at Buster.”
“Buster?”
“Sure, every time he’s set to retire, he goes and buys another machine,” she pointed out. “One year it was a backhoe. Another it was a dump truck.”
“Wow, he must be desperate this year.”
“Why?” my wife asked.
“Because this year he bought a whole combine?”
“Ooh, that does sound desperate.”
“?plus a farm to use it on!”
“See?” my wife smiled. “You don’t have to live in the city to be a workaholic. There can be such a thing as a workaholic redneck.
“That’s a pity. Being a workaholic means missing out on a lot of life.”
“That’s true, but it’s not just city folk who miss their kids growing up or are too busy working to help their wives clean the dishes.”
I took the hint and picked up a drying cloth. “You mean that anyone can get caught up in work, and lose sight of what’s really important? Even farmers, moat diggers and the guy who sorts through the trash at the dump looking for the tastiest morsels to throw to the gulls?”
“I suppose so,” she answered with that what-have-you-been-smoking look on her face. “Why not try to see if workaholic redneck jokes work?”
“Well, if you look forward to Christmas this year, because you might take the afternoon off from tilling the land, you might be a workaholic redneck.”
“That’s the spirit,” she encouraged.
I tried another, “If you’re drinking your morning coffee from a dirty mason jar from yesterday, you might be a workaholic redneck.”
“Very good,” she praised.
“If you stick family pictures to your backhoe window to remind you what they look like, you might be a workaholic redneck.”
“Why not try one more, just to make sure?” my wife suggested.
“OK, if you bring your work with you to your son’s baseball game, you might be a workaholic redneck.”
“Uh, OK?” she began.
“And if nobody complains about the smell, you might live in a town full of workaholic rednecks!”
“You got it!” she shouted.
I realized that I had spent way too much time talking about workaholic redneck jokes. There was only one thing I could do to compensate.
I tossed aside the drying cloth, grabbed my lap-top computer and rushed to the outhouse to catch up on a few hundred urgent emails.
About The Author
David Leonhardt is a humor columnist: http://www.thehappyguy.com/positive-thinking-free-ezine.html
He is author of Climb Your Stairway to Heaven: http://www.iuniverse.com/bookstore/book_detail.asp?isbn=0-595-17826-X
Read more personal growth articles: http://www.thehappyguy.com/self-actualization-articles.html
The Tolerance Effect
While working with a client several months ago, we went through a process of identifying areas of personal strengths and weaknesses. Through this exercise, we discussed various characteristics and ended up deciding that there was opportunity for improvement in her level of “tolerance”. A funny thing happened after that. When she found herself in a situation that had previously triggered a negative reaction be it disappointment, irritation, frustration, anger or even animosity (usually focused on the person in the car ahead of her who didn’t use their turn signal), the word “tolerance” would flash in her head and she could immediately change the way she reacted to the situation.
This change was so powerful that I shared this story with a few other clients and they got the same results. Several weeks later, I found myself experiencing the same phenomenon.
Here’s what happened. Once the word “tolerance” was presented, it created an awareness to the conscious mind that could over-ride what already existed in the subconscious. As a result, each person was able to break the pattern of “programmed behavior”.
Another interesting factor that came from this experience was the far-reaching effects from this particular word. “Tolerance” isn’t a word that is often used to describe personal or professional traits but it has numerous positive connotations. Just a few examples would include: caring, kindness, support, non-judgmental attitudes, perception, consideration, open-mindedness, understanding, patience and flexibility. Taking this a step further, tolerance is an attribute that is usually applied when dealing with unpleasant or compromising situations or in our interactions with other people. Have you ever noticed how most of us are our own worst critic? Just imagine the impressive changes that could be achieved when we become more tolerant of ourselves!
What could you achieve if you were more flexible and open to trying new things? How much personal and professional growth could you realize if you were more patient with your progress? What alliances would you form if you could both give and get professional support? How would you feel if you were as kind to yourself as you are to others? Don’t be surprised when the word tolerance springs to your mind when you least expect it and see how it helps you become more focused on your success!
Jeannette Kraar, president of Performance Management International is the Breakthrough Career Coach and a highly-acclaimed trainer, speaker and consultant. Hundreds of PMI clients have succeeded even in the most turbulent times. Jeannette is the author of BREAKTHROUGH, The Hate My Job, Need A Life, Can’t Get No Satisfaction SOLUTION.
Learn more about the book at http://www.breakthroughcareersolutions.com
Email Jeannette at pmi@manageyoursuccess.com or visit her on-line at http://www.manageyoursuccess.com
