Posts Tagged ‘sense of self’
Making The Connection: Tips For Getting Noticed
Chances are that you have had a wide variety of experiences in your quest for meeting singles. These can range from an event that yields several nice interactions and at least one offer to get together for a date, to going home feeling frustrated and convinced you are destined to be a dating failure.
If you had made a note of your mood, your general attitude, your level of comfort, (and other related factors) after each experience, you would have some very useful information. For the attributes you carry along with you to these social gatherings will have a great impact on the outcome of each.
The following are tips for helping you to present the best you to others. As you read each, do a quick inventory of how you rate in that area. It’s always helpful to ask friends to weigh in with their observations. The more information, the better.
1. Present yourself as confident and in possession of a healthy self-esteem.
In general, people are attracted to those who appear confident and who feel good about themselves. Certainly, this is a turn-on for you as well. If you feel desirable and sexy, it makes sense that others will too.
If low self-esteem is a problem for you, this should be the first area you work on in yourself. It is not necessary to have over the top confidence, just a sense that you are someone that has a lot of positives to offer others.
Do some reading, take a class that teaches assertiveness and/or practice daily affirmations. Remember also that when you treat yourself with respect and adhere to healthy boundaries with others, you will foster a healthy sense of self.
2.Be Yourself
NEVER try to be someone you are not. Not only do you come across as insincere, you also will present as uncomfortable and make others feel this way right along with you.
Trying to be cool, aggressive, (etc.), generally just makes you awkward and unapproachable. Relax, be natural, be the you that your friends and others who know and like you, see and appreciate.
Think back to the times you have witnessed someone “acting” in a social situation, and the general reaction of those around them. Then think about the people you know who are good at meeting others. These are the people who present their true (best) side.
3. Smile and Show Enthusiasm
Certainly you have encountered strangers who were sullen and appeared negative and unapproachable. A smile can change all that.
Have an open and inviting expression. Make good eye contact. People are DRAWN to others like this. Let that attractive stranger know you are open to meeting them and happy to be there. If they have an interest back, this will pave the way for a first interaction.
If you don’t feel like smiling it may be a good idea to sit this one out at home with a movie or a good book or a low-key get together with a good friend.
4. Present Your Best Appearance
Always make your best effort in your grooming and choice of clothing. Attractive is just that. It’s not about having beautiful features or a fantastic body. It’s all about presenting what you have in the best light possible.
This also includes presenting an attractive personality. Be friendly, not pushy. Be open, not indiscreet. Have opinions, don’t be a know-it-all. Always remember to consider others’ feelings and needs. These interactions are not just about you.
5. Have Some Good Openings Lines Available
Hint: Natural conversation is best.
Some possible ones to consider:
*Do you know so and so?
*I noticed you were enjoying the music a lot, isn’t this a great band?
*Your drink looks good- what is it?
*I noticed you standing here alone and thought you may want some company.
Of course, the direct approach is ok too.
*Hi, I’m so and so, what is your name?
Remember that there are no rules anymore about who goes first. If you see someone who interests you, go for it. Just remember that they may not return your feelings. Then you move away gracefully, look around for someone else that attracts you, and make an overture towards them.
Also remember that rejection is part of the process. If you let the fear keep you from taking that first step, you will greatly lessen your chances of meeting and connecting with compatible singles.
Toni Coleman, MSW is a licensed psychotherapist and relationship coach with over 20 years of experience. As a recognized expert, Toni has been quoted in many local and national publications including: The Chicago Tribune and The Orlando Sentinel newspapers and Family Circle, Woman’s Day, and Star magazines. She has been featured on ABC News; Discovery Health Channel and AOL Online. As a weekly contributing commentator on the KTRS Radio Morning Show, (St. Louis, MO), Toni offers dating tips and relationship advice in response to listener feedback. Toni founded Consum-mate.com in 2002 to offer singles the knowledge and tools they need to find and sustain healthy, lasting love relationships. She is a member of The International Coach Federation, and The International Association Of Coaches.
Tags: a-low-key-get, a-turn-on-for, assertiveness, best, chicago, chicago-tribune, confidence, dating, international, music, radio, sense of self, social gatherings, what is dating
Unemployment Survival: Creating a Sense of Security
In a time of economic downturn, international turmoil, company restructuring and corporate mergers run amok, thousands of people are either out of work or fearful of losing their jobs.
Is there, then, such a thing as job security?
No job, in itself, is totally secure. Governments cut back, unions have periods when they have no work available for their members, directors and CEOs are forced out, self-employment ventures fail. Even the most coveted and powerful position in the world, the Presidency of the United States, only lasts 4 or 8 years.
Your only job security lies in self-security. Knowledge and appreciation of your value as a worker: your skills, your competence, your personal qualities, can build the sense of security you crave. A true understanding of the process of finding work, the resources available, and the personal networking which captures the hidden job market, leads to a sense of self-empowerment. The job you are performing may not last until retirement but the prospect of losing it can be transformed from a negative, anxiety-laden situation into a self-affirming, positive opportunity for growth, movement, and the chance to turn your life in new directions.
Here are 10 Tips to help you build a sense of security:
1. Write down all of your skills, experience, knowledge, and personal qualities.
2. Re-read your list daily and before each and every interview until the information is ingrained and at your fingertips.
3. Expand your network by contacting everyone you know, not to ask for a job but to identify other people to contact who might know of a position.
4. Maintain your sense of self. Follow the familiar routines you devised while working so you continue to feel like you.
5. Identify multiple resources: newspaper ads, job lines, internet sites, agencies, networking. Knowing that multiple options are available can counteract negativity about the future and feelings of panic.
6. Treasure your support systems. The frustration you feel is often misdirected towards those closest to you. Appreciate your family and friends and banish the self-pity that often comes with stress.
7. Treasure yourself. Don’t berate yourself for the mistakes you make. Concentrate on remembering things you have done well, that show your individual value.
8. Pace yourself. Allow for periods of not thinking about work. Do something active that you enjoy even if only for an hour or two at a time.
9. Maintain your objectivity. Not being offered a job does not reflect on your personal competence. It simply indicates a mismatch as if you had tried unsuccessfully to sell a shack to a couple secretly seeking a mansion.
10. Manage your job search as if it were a sales campaign. Even the world’s best sales person will not make every sale but knows that each new contact increases the chance of success.
Practice these tips to build a sense of security, even if initially fragile, and your mental outlook will bloom, allowing you to remain calm in the face of the panic of those around you who walk in constant fear of layoff.
Virginia Bola operated a rehabilitation company for 20 years, developing innovative job search techniques for disabled workers, while serving as a respected Vocational Expert in Administrative, Civil and Workers’ Compensation Courts. Author of an interactive and emotionally supportive workbook, The Wolf at the Door: An Unemployment Survival Manual, and a monthly ezine, The Worker’s Edge, she can be reached at http://www.virginiabola.com
Tags: a-monthly-ezine, courts-author, family, fingertips, job-search, life, people, personal qualities, sense of self
