Posts Tagged ‘person’
Whats For Lunch?
As an entrepreneur, I’m always intrigued by small businesses, home-based or not, that exceed the expectations of their customers in a big way.
Let me tell you about one of them.
Recently I spent some time with my daughter in her college town of Tuscaloosa, Alabama. We were spending the day getting her apartment ready for her return to school in the fall. When it was time for lunch, she wanted to take me to a restaurant in the small town of Northport, just to the north of Tuscaloosa.
Northport is one of those typical southern small towns whose downtown area has been converted into a delightfully quaint shopping area. Central to it is a restaurant called City Cafe.
What an experience.
We arrived at the location at 11:30 a.m. Typically I like going to restaurants for lunch at that time so that one can “beat the rush.” I commented on this to my daughter before we arrived; she just laughed.
When we walked in, I understood why. I faced a room with
Like visitors to Disney World, we automatically took our place at the end of the line. Then I began to look toward the front of the line and realized that it continued on into another room (which I couldn’t see). So I asked my daughter, “where is the FRONT of this line?”
Her response – “you’ll see.”
Sheesh!
So I began to look around at the diners surrounding me. Their plates were piled high with what can only be described as “down home Southern cooking.” And the diners themselves? A quick glance around the room told me that this establishment attracted customers from every walk of life. At this moment, however, they all had one thing in common – the serious business of eating.
Meanwhile, the aroma was making my mouth water. So I turned my attention back to the ultimate end of the line. When would I have my turn?
About 15 minutes later we made our way to the next room. It was there I discovered that the front of the line ended at the doorway between this room and yet ANOTHER room. Both of these rooms had two rows of booths on either side. I didn’t count them, but my estimate is about six on each side of the room, making about 24 booths in total. They could sit as many as four to a booth.
I looked around for a hostess; there was none. Then I began to understand the system; you waited in line with your party, and when someone got up from one of these booths, you just went and sat down. Period.
The waitress appeared at our table almost instantaneously, cleared off the previous diners’ plates, wiped the table, and took our drink orders. Actually, what she said was, “Tea?” And you’re an idiot if you order anything else. It’s important to note here that if you order tea anywhere in the Deep South, it is understood that it comes iced and sweetened. If you want it any other way, you’d better tell them that.
Time to check out the menu. It was at this time I realized that City Cafe operates five days a week only – Monday through Friday. The lunch menu consisted of your choice of entree and/or vegetables which you chose from the list for that particular day of the week. The price of the meal was determined by the number of vegetables and entrees you chose.
This was Tuesday; my choices included fried green tomatoes. Who was I to pass this up? Beef tips with rice and steamed squash rounded out my meal, but I could just as easily have chosen from a dozen other tempting selections. It was tough to pass up the fried okra and steamed cabbage (my daughter chose the cabbage along with chicken-fried steak), but I was pleased with my meal. Dinner rolls and cornbread were, of course, provided as well.
And the tea? Try drinking it to the bottom of the glass – won’t happen at City Cafe. It’s another person’s job to make sure of that.
The price for both our meals? I spent $10.75 – but $3.00 of that was a tip. No kidding. She and I had dined at a well-known restaurant chain the night before and the tip for that meal was the same as the price of the City Cafe meal itself.
Guess which one I enjoyed the most?
About The Author
Cathy Bryant’s newsletter, HomeBizJunction Herald, has just entered its fourth year of publication. Subscribe today by visiting her website, http://www.homebizjunction.com, and you will benefit from her practical, no-nonsense information on how YOU can achieve your dream of working from home!
Planning Your Successful Career: 15 Ideas
“Doing a good job is one of the most important ways to move up the ladder”, says Dr. Don Bagin, Professor of Communications at Glassbro State College.
If you are one of the many people who do a good job consistently but are not noticed by top management, here are some suggestions to help you get on the fast track:
Smiling: Research has shown that people who smile are perceived to be more intelligent than those who don’t.
Prioritizing: Avoid spending a great deal of time on things that aren’t important just because you are good at them. The person who gets ahead is the person who establishes priorities and sets aside time for them accordingly.
Walking: Choose to walk rather than drive as often as possible. And when you do, walk at least ten to fifteen percent faster than you normally would. Somehow this faster pace communicates to others that you are a person with a mission who is eager to get the job done.
Speaking actively: Use the active voice when speaking or writing. Listen to the difference: “I prepared and delivered the reports promptly.” Compare it to “The report was promptly prepared and delivered.” Although the second one told you something, many more questions were left unanswered.
Knowing your boss: Get to understand your boss’ personality and when to approach him or her. If your boss is a morning person, be sure that you come up with your suggestions and proposals in the morning while he is most receptive.
Volunteering: While being careful not to overdo it, volunteer for special projects and responsibilities outside of your working hours and job description.
Expressing gratitude: Develop the habit of sending brief notes of thanks to anyone who has made your day easier.
Positively speaking: Look for positive things to say about people, especially your co-workers.
Being approachable: Make yourself approachable. Let people know when and how to reach you.
Following-up: After a task-assigning meeting, follow-up immediately on those assignments that were given to you.
Spotting trends: Learn to spot trends that affect your company or agency. Be the first person to alert those in a position to capitalize on them.
Presenting effectively: Be certain that you speak clearly and precisely when making presentations. Speak with confidence and admit honestly when you don’t know, but promise to return with an answer promptly.
Reading the trades: Determine which publications top management is reading, then get a copy of them so that you, too, can become knowledgeable of relevant matters.
Making contact: Establish a contact person in all your referral sources. Make it a point to meet with that person so that you can get to know each other. It will help make your future contacts easier for both of you.
Remembering your manners: Never forget to be polite or to follow the proper protocol. It lets people know that you mean business, that you take your business relationships seriously.
Put these fifteen ideas into practice, and I guarantee you that you will see yourself progressing faster and farther than you think.
Remember: When you maximize your potential, everyone wins. When you don’t, we all lose.
© Etienne A. Gibbs, MSW
PERMISSION TO REPUBLISH: This article may be republished in ezines, newsletters, and on web sites provided attribution is provided to the author, and it appears with the included copyright, resource box and live web site link. Although advance permission is not required, please notify us at eagibbs@ureach.com when you use this article. We would also appreciate receiving a copy of your publication with the article included.
Etienne A. Gibbs, MSW, Management Consultant and Trainer, conducts seminars, lectures, and writes articles on his theme: … helping you maximize your potential. He offers management, marketing and parenting resources at http://www.maximizingyourpotential.blogspot.com
Confessions of a Professional Matchmaker
Don’t make these mistakes when searching for love online!
“I spent my life searching for the perfect woman. I finally found her but alas, she was searching for the perfect man.”
Anonymous
I was a professional matchmaker for several years – trying to help singles meet others with whom they shared common interests and complementary personality traits. I met with my clients in person and they were screened to ascertain their real names, addresses, education, marital status. Most importantly, I tried to help them determine the type of person they were really seeking and that’s where most of the problems arose.
Even though my clients verbalized that they were happy to be matched based upon compatibility, this was not true! The major problems I encountered were:
1) A number of clients were seeking others mainly based on appearance.
I would show each new client photos of existing clients based on their characteristics as well as their appearance. Unattractive people sometimes became offended when I matched them with their physical counterparts. A dowdy sixtyish woman asked me, “Is that what you think of me?” when I attempted to match her with men in her age and looks category. Many clients seemed to be totally unaware of how they looked to others and wanted matches that were highly inappropriate. With these people, compatibility had no bearing on their matches. They wanted the best looking people in my book!
2) Some clients refused to compromise – even when matched with someone they liked!
I matched two extremely overweight people who liked each other immediately and went out on several dates. Before their last meeting for a Sunday movie date, the woman asked to meet at 7:00 pm instead of the 5:30 show. The man became annoyed, broke the date, and immediately ended their budding relationship. He, who was a part-time telemarketer, told me he needed time on Sunday evenings “to get ready for his work on Monday.” Because she needed to reschedule their date, he was totally turned off to her regardless of his prior interest and their compatibility.
3) Others had a Wish List for their Perfect Person and expected me to find the person on that list for them.
One divorced man in his late 30’s expressed a desire for a woman who had a specific type of nose. (Really!) A never-married woman in her early 30’s with pale blonde hair and very light skin wanted a man with very, very dark skin (but not an African-American), who earned at minimum $75,000 per year, was not in Sales, had never been married and had no children. I had twelve men who matched her description in my data base but she found something wrong with each one and refused to go out with any of them. She then complained about my service and was upset because she ‘had not had even one date’. AARRGGHH!!! An Indian medical student saw her photo and was instantly smitten.
They had many things in common and each was what the other was seeking. He was very excited about meeting her; however, before they met, he wanted a guarantee of a successful relationship which I of course could not give him. They never met and as far as I know, both are still single and searching…..
My advice: Don’t shoot yourself in the foot! If you are meeting a lot of people and just can’t seem to connect, ask yourself if you really want a relationship. Are you ready and willing to be close with another person? If you constantly find fault with others, ask yourself these questions and be a bit more tolerant. Don’t expect to find your perfect person because he or she does not exist. Be happy if you find Ms. or Mr. Almost-Perfect. Good luck!
About The Author
Terri Arnold (Spicy Grandma) has an MS in Counseling and has been a Psychotherapist for over twenty years. She also owned and operated a brick and mortar dating service for several years. Terri now invites you to visit her popular interactive and personalized 50+ dating community at http://www.spicy-senior-singles.com
6 Vital Tips For Creating A Superior Resume
1: Keep It Short
Considering that initially HR personnel only spend approximately 10-20 seconds on a resume, the shorter your resume, the most desirable it is. Aim for one page.
Of course, it is sometimes impossible to create such a short resume. You might have to include a second page because you have way too much information regarding your work experience, accomplishments, etc. In this case, make sure that you list the most relevant information within the upper half of the first page because that is the section that gets looked at first. This way, these important insights will surely be noticed.
2: Spelling, Spelling, Spelling
It is not enough to run the word processor’s spell checker on your document. Proofread your resume at least 3 times, once backward (sometimes that is how you notice mistakes.)
Remember, a sloppy presentation is almost a guarantee that your resume will end up in the circular file even if you have all the qualifications in the world.
3: Start Your Resume With A “Power Statement”
Many resume writers suggest starting a resume with an objective. I object to that (no pun intended). Objectives are useless because they are self-centered.
Here is a typical objective: “Challenging position in social services.”
My suggestion is that you start your resume with a power statement such as: “Experienced Social Worker with 10 years of proven client counseling and support background along with enthusiasm for working with children and their families.”
Whereas the objective tells the employer only what you want to do, the power statement goes further in highlighting not only the job you are seeking but also your major achievements. The power statement showcases what you can do for the company.
4: Use Action Verbs
Begin your sentences with action verbs for added punch and to express a sense of accomplishment.
For a FREE list of action verb, please e-mail Rita Fisher at RitaFisher55@comcast.net with “Action Verb List” in the subject line.
5: Use Specifics
Use specifics such as numbers, percentages, figures and facts.
Example: “Exceeded sales quotas by 50% for 4 consecutive years.”
Numbers stand out and communicate clearly and openly about not only the results you produced by also about what you can do for the company (can’t repeat that enough.)
6: Answer The “What’s In It For Me?” Question
What every employer wants to know when reading your resume is what’s in it for them.
Employers are looking for people who will solve their problems. You have to present your case accordingly.
How?
By answering these questions and including the answers in your resume:
What kind of problems did you solve on the job?
How did the company benefit from your performance?
How did you do the job differently and better than the person before you did?
Did you introduce a new program or system?
If yes, what were the results of it? (Be specific regarding the results.)
What were you most proud of in your job?
What would your supervisor and your co-workers say they would miss most about you when you leave?
How did you make a difference in your job?
How did you affect the company’s bottom line?
Did you save money for the company? How much?
Did you earn money for the company? How much?
Rita Fisher, a Certified Professional Resume Writer, has a team of writers who provide professional resume development to job seekers at all levels, with special focus on career changers. Visit her site at http://www.CareerChangeResumes.com.
Copyright 2005 by Rita Fisher, CPRW / Career Change Resumes http://www.CareerChangeResumes.com
Rita Fisher Owner Career Change Resumes
2928 Cross Creek Drive,
Columbus, IN 47201
E-mail: RitaFisher55@comcast.net
Phone: 812-342-7978
Fax: 928-569-5114
More Customers – Watch those Little Things
Two situations, two perfectly acceptable experiences, but in one case, an excitement about great service and in the other case, just OK.
The Laptop
I have a laptop which is under warranty – 5 working day turnaround they said when I rang them about a power problem. Efficient and effective they were too.
So someone came to collect it the next day and, as they said, I got a call 5 working days later to say it would be delivered back, by courier, the next day. And by 10.32 am, it was. I enquired on the second call what had been found to be wrong, but the person on the other end didn’t know, “There will be an engineers report in the box”. And there was.
The Restaurant
My wife went out for a meal with 14 others from her place of work. A nice little restaurant, privately owned. The meal was all home made, with one or two little touches that were a bit special. Being a works ‘do’ they were a little boisterous and the staff in the restaurant took good part and joined in the fun as well. They were made to feel very welcome indeed, from the minute their coats were taken, to closing the door behind them.
At one point, someone tasted one of the sauces and commented on how nice it was and was given a pot, neatly wrapped, to take home. “Drop the pot back in anytime”, the waitress said. When someone said they fancied something not on the menu, the chef came out and with a little banter, 10 minutes later had made one up specially.
Wine was in the costings and even though they had managed to get through a couple of bottles (and more!), the wine kept flowing to the end of the meal. The chef came out to wish them well at the end and thank them for coming.
Two examples of perfectly acceptable service. One experience adequate and one memorable. I wonder which one will be recommended to others?
It doesn’t take much to make your customers or clients feel special. It takes forethought and focus. Especially when we work remotely and don’t have the opportunity to meet with our customers and clients face-to-face.
Customer service is an art, not a science. It is about building relationships which last and, ultimately, your customers will do the marketing for you. And you will profit.
As sales people we need to deliver that ‘extra mile’ service Then we will reap the rewards. And not dissolve into nameless and faceless experiences which are just ‘OK’. OK won’t do any more.
As Walt Disney said:-
“Do what you do so well, that they will want to see it again and bring their friends.”
Martin Haworth is a Business and Management Coach. He works worldwide, mainly by phone, with small business owners, managers and corporate leaders. He has hundreds of hints, tips and ideas at his website, http://www.coaching-businesses-to-success.com/customer_service.html. Martin also has an blog where other business, management and customer ‘observations’ appear (almost) daily! You can find that on the website.
…helping you, to help your people, to help your business grow…
Top 10 Most Outrageous Exercises I?ve Ever Seen
In the course of my experience working and training in gyms, I’ve seen people doing some incredibly “interesting” exercises. Unfortunately, it’s usually because these people have not been properly instructed in exercise technique.
Here are some of the top winners. Remember, these are actual exercises that I’ve seen people do. I made the names of the exercises up to match the lunacy of how they look.
DO NOT TRY THESE AT HOME! OR AT THE GYM! OR ANYWHERE!!!
1. Dumbell Hair Combs – Start by holding a dumbell in front of you. Do a front raise with it then whip the dumbell back and over the top of your head like you’re combing your hair with it. Make sure to just miss your skull.
2. Hog-tied Face-Rubs – Lie on your stomach on the floor. Grasp your ankles behind your back and rub your face back and forth on the ground repeatedly. Continue until you’ve had enough.
3. Abdominal Earthquakes – Lie on the floor on your back in the classic start position of a crunch. Now yank as hard as you can on the back of your head up and down and thrash your legs around in the air like you’re fending off starving dogs. This evidently works your abs. You will resemble Jello that has just been dropped on the floor. Your face should be as red as a tomato by the time you’re done.
4. The Arm Wrecker – Do one cheating, momentum-filled rep of an arm exercise with ridiculously heavy weight then swing your arms around as fast as you can in a circle to get blood to the muscle. This technique will either help your arm grow or will smack the person waiting to use the machine/weights next.
5. Pelvic Demolisher – Stand with your fingers interlocked behind your head. Do a pelvic thrust forward and drop your spinal column down and backwards about 6 inches. This exercise is best done in front of a large group of people.
6. Dumbell Doggy Digs – Bend over at the waist so that your back is rounded completely over like an arch. Your legs should be completely straight and locked out. You should look like you are trying hard to touch your toes but not really succeeding. Hold two dumbells down at arms-length. Now spin them round and round repeatedly just off the floor so that you resemble a dog digging a hole.
7. Pec Rockets – Set the pec deck machine with far too much weight for you to handle safely. Make sure you are very sweaty and slippery before attempting this one. First, use your entire bodyweight to get one arm pad up to the front. Then, throw yourself at the other one to get it to the front. Hold them there for a half-second then get shot four feet out across the floor as you squirt from the machine like a greased banana.
8. Rush-Hour Bench Press – This exercise is done on the vertical seated chest press machine that has a foot pedal to help raise the weight to the starting position. Use this pedal at the bottom of every single rep to bounce the weight back up. Your footwork will resemble that of someone in rush-hour traffic going from 0 to 60 to 0 every 3 seconds.
9. Close-Grip, Behind-The-Neck Shoulder Press – Sit in a shoulder press station, gripping the bar overhead with about 6 inches between your hands. Bring the bar down directly behind your head. Be sure to lean forward 45 degrees and round your back over so that your shoulder joints and lower back each get their fair share of trauma.
10. C.P.R. Bench Press – Start by loading your safe maximum bench press weight onto the bar. Now add 20 more pounds just to be safer. Have your spotter lift the bar off the rack for you. Lower it 2 inches on your own power then allow it to drop and cave in your rib cage. Be sure your spotter is a strong deadlifter before attempting this exercise as you will need them to pull the bar off you at the bottom of every rep. When your spotter has pulled the bar off you after the first rep and is trying to put it back on the racks, yell out “I’ve got six more reps!”
Remember that this is just a small sample of things I have actually seen people doing. Please be sure when you do your exercises that you take the time to learn proper form and, if you do see someone performing an exercise that is potentially harmful, tactfully assist them.
For more information about exercise technique and errors, go to http://www.fitstep.com/Library/Exercises/Exercises.htm
About The Author
Nick Nilsson is Vice President of BetterU, Inc., an online exercise, fitness, and personal training company. Check out his latest eBook “The Best Exercises You’ve Never Heard Of” at http://www.thebestexercises.com or visit http://www.fitstep.com. You can contact him at betteru@fitstep.com or subscribe to BetterU News, his fitness newsletter at betterunews@fitstep.com.
Death of a Parent: Saying Good-Bye to Mommy or Daddy
Coping with the death of a loved one is never easy, regardless of how old you are when that loss occurs. For children who lose a parent, however, the effects can be devastating, indeed, and a plan will need to be put in place so that they can learn to accept this part of the life cycle and move on in a healthy, balanced manner.
Understanding Grief
It’s important to understand that grief will be expressed differently by each person, and that there’s no “right” way to grieve. In fact, there’s no specific point at which children should be expected to show signs of having coped with the loss of their parent. The expression, “process of grieving,” is an accurate description of what must take place, since this can only happen over time and is expressed through certain stages of behavior and their related emotions. In other words, grief isn’t a single event; it’s a series of steps that children must grow through in order to come to the acceptance of their particular loss. The philosophy that they should simply “keep a stiff upper lip” doesn’t apply and isn’t an appropriate goal to set for children if they’re going to work through their grief without serious consequences ? behaviorally, emotionally or otherwise.
Although you might expect that children will show more signs of grief when the deceased parent was one with whom they had formed a particularly strong bond, that isn’t always the case. In fact, greater emotional trauma may be experienced when the parent/child bond wasn’t strong, simply because there are unresolved issues. In the case of abused children, for instance, exquisite emotional pain may be felt due to the inability to improve the relationship between parent and child before their demise. As a result, those children are often left with feelings of pain and rejection, without the opportunity to somehow “make it right”. Typically, questions such as, “Didn’t mom/dad love me?,” “Did mom/dad ever feel sorry for what they did?,” and “What did I do wrong to make them treat me that way?” will haunt children who have been the victims of abusive parents. As a result, part of their grieving process will include the pain of never knowing the answers to the questions that are the most significant to them. Even if it first appears that there’s a feeling of relief when these children realize that their tormenter is gone, those questions will eventually surface, as well as the pain and feelings of rejection that are associated with them.
Expressions of Grief in Children
The approach to a child’s grieving process will need to take into consideration their age, developmental level and ability to understand the implications of what’s actually happened. Often, they look to other significant adults in their midst in order to gauge the types of reactions that they’re having to the loss. If, for instance, the adults appear to be showing a “strong face,” then children will often react differently than they would to an adult who openly cries. By watching those around them, children will begin to perceive what form of grief is “acceptable”.
Questions ? When children don’t understand what’s happening around them, they often hit the adults with a barrage of questions. This is also true in the case of a death ? especially when dealing with younger children. Often, the same questions will be asked repeatedly as they struggle to understand the concept of death and how it will impact their young lives. If they’re a bit older, these questions can be their way of trying to accept what’s happened as they work through their disbelief that the parent is actually gone, even though they do understand the general concept.
Shock ? As adults, the shock that’s brought about by a trauma can manifest itself in a variety of ways. Children are no different in their approach to something of this magnitude. While some may sob inconsolably, others may show no apparent emotion, whatsoever, appearing to be unaffected by the event. For those adults who are part of their support system, it’s important to remember that this is typically just a way for children to remove themselves from the pain of the circumstances until they’re able to cope with their loss more constructively.
Regression ? Don’t be surprised if you find that children who have recently lost a parent begin to show signs of behavioral regression. In order to receive the comfort that they need during this type of crisis, some children will exhibit the desire to be rocked as they were when they were much younger, or to be held quite frequently. Other forms of regressive behavior include separation anxiety from significant adults, difficulty performing tasks that fall within their age and ability range (which they had been performing prior to the death of the parent) and the need to sleep in the bed of the deceased parent. The philosophy behind this is quite simple ? children need to be protected and made to feel safe from that which poses a threat, whether it’s mental, emotional or physical. Naturally, they normally turn toward a parent or other significant adult in order to receive this protection. Since these behaviors are indicative of the “protective parent” scenario, it’s understandable that children may seek out these types of comforts when faced with grief of this nature ? much in the same way that, when something threatens their security, the first thing they do is call for “mommy”.
Explosions ? When something happens that’s beyond our ability to control it, we’re often faced with feelings of anger, resentment, frustration, fear or helplessness. Children, who are even more vulnerable to the effects of such tragedies, will often act out with explosive emotions. Naturally, one of their first thoughts is that they want their parent back, but they know that they’re incapable of making this happen. With no opportunity to change their circumstances, the feelings that are associated with them are often vented through explosive bursts of emotion or negative behavior.
Becoming Part of a Positive Support System
In order to be part of a positive support system for children who have lost a parent, certain steps must be taken that will help them to cope with their loss and eventually move onward. You should expect that this may be a lengthy process, so patience will need to be practiced, if you’re going to be a successful member of the support team.
Practice Effective Listening ? One of the best ways for children to work through their emotions is to be able to talk about them with an adult who’s willing to listen ? without lots of interruptions ? and not react negatively to what they have to say. Even if anger or resentment bubbles to the surface, realize that this is natural and don’t berate them for their feelings. Just as important is the willingness to validate their feelings. For example, if they express an angry sentiment, don’t respond by telling them that they shouldn’t feel that way. The fact is that they do have those emotions and are entitled to express them. Instead, it would be better to say, “Yes, I can understand why you feel that way.”
Learn to Individualize Children’s Reactions ? Children are individuals and, to that end, will have their own unique reactions to the loss of a parent. It’s critical, then, not to lump them all together in a compartment that you’ve labeled, “children,” or you won’t be an effective member of the support team. Their lives, experiences and perceptions are all different, and their reactions to the death of a loved one will be different, as a result of those variables. Therefore, you must approach them on their own level, if you hope to be of help.
Incorporate Others into the Support Plan ? Naturally, it’s important to implement a strong support plan for children in their home environment. They don’t, however, spend every waking moment at home, so the support team will need to extend beyond those boundaries. Schools, friends and other relatives will need to be involved in helping them to cope with the loss of their parent ? as well as anyone who comes into contact with them through extracurricular activities, such as dance class, scouting, sports, etc. If possible, have a meeting with school staff members and other significant people in their lives, so that a solid plan can be established for maintaining positive support for the children ? regardless of where they are at any given point of the day. Consistency is the key to effective support, but that can’t be accomplished unless everyone’s “in the loop”.
Be Honest and Forthright ? Children, like adults, deserve the truth about the circumstances that impact their lives. While you may approach the situation a bit differently when children are involved, you should still strive to be honest about the circumstances that surround the loss of their parent and don’t tell them “little white lies” in order to protect them from the consequence of pain. They’re already experiencing pain, and if they perceive that you’re not being on the level with them ? and they will! ? then that will only lead to further pain and some distrust on their part. In addition, they’ll wonder why you lied and will feel that it’s a negative reflection on them. In other words, they’ll think that you didn’t trust them enough to be honest about the situation.
Explain the Life Cycle ? It isn’t enough for children to be told that they’ve just lost a parent. Some form of understanding must go along with this, and it’s up to the remaining adults to ensure that this happens in a manner in which they understand. One of the ways to help children understand what’s really happened is to explain the cycle of life to them. In this way, they’ll not only understand that what’s happened is natural, but will also understand that they’re not alone, and that everyone must eventually face the death of a loved one. When a parent is lost, kids often feel as though no-one else can understand, because they don’t always recognize the fact that many other people have also lost a parent. When they look around at their friends who still have both parents, they can feel isolated and ? in some cases ? even feel as though they’re being punished because their parent has died, while others still have their parents. By understanding the life cycle, this is less likely to have such a strong impact on them.
Invite Questions About Death ? There are some topics that no-one seems to feel comfortable talking about, and death is often one of them ? especially when children are involved. In order to truly be of help to children who have recently lost a parent, however, you’re going to need to get beyond those feelings of discomfort and invite them to ask any questions that they may have regarding death and its implications. Some approach this type of tragedy from a religious angle, while others choose to present the situation in a more generic way, by discussing the role that all living creatures take in the world, and that their roles will eventually end one day. Regardless of the approach, children should be made to feel comfortable about asking questions, and adults should feel just as comfortable answering them. If you’re worried about not knowing the way to correctly address a particular question, simply be honest about the fact that you’re unsure of the answer. No-one can be expected to know everything, and kids will respect the fact that you’re honest enough to admit the fact that you can’t always answer the questions that they pose.
Stay in it for the Long Haul ? All too often, people will gather ’round a grieving family and offer support in the short term, but their show of support evaporates in very short order. Understand that, when you’re the member of a support team ? especially for children ? it requires a lengthy commitment. Since grieving is a process that can be quite slow, it may take a serious amount of time before children can grieve effectively, accept the loss of the parent and move on to live their lives in a healthy way. If they’ve already had a number of difficulties or losses in their lives, then the loss of their parent is inclined to trigger an even greater degree of trauma, and those who belong to their support system must be prepared to stay with them through the highs and lows ? no matter how long it takes.
Children’s Perceptions of Death
Death is perceived on different levels by children of different ages. Since their understanding of death will help them to work through the grieving process when they’ve lost a parent, it’s important that those who surround them know how to relate to them, in order to effectively support them as they work through their grief.
Infants/Toddlers ? The most that will be understood by children of this age is that those who surround them appear to feel sad about something, but they’ll have no idea why. Although they may notice that someone significant is missing, they may be too young to be able to link the two circumstances.
Preschool ? Children of this age may appear, at first, to understand the basic concept of death, but don’t typically see this as being something “unchangeable”. Since kids in this age bracket often see things in terms of fantasy or magic, they tend to see the separation as temporary and genuinely believe that the person can be brought back from death ? if only they wish hard enough.
Elementary School ? Between the ages of five and nine, children begin to have a better understanding of death and its irreversibility. Through talking with family and friends, as well as discussions in their classrooms, a more realistic picture of the causes of death and the impact that a parent’s death has on the remaining members of the family comes into focus. The tendency of this age group, however, is to believe that it couldn’t happen to them or any of their friends or family members. So, while they understand it on its elemental level, they don’t carry it to its fullest conclusion ? particularly if they’re at the younger end of the Elementary School spectrum.
Middle School ? Children of this age certainly have a far better understanding of the concept of death, but are often impaired in their grieving process by feelings of injustice. For example, kids of the Middle School age group often feel that it “isn’t fair” that they should lose a parent, although they do understand that certain illnesses and accidents are responsible for bringing about someone’s death. Problems with behavior are often noted in children of this age when a parent is lost.
High School ? These young adults certainly understand death, but don’t often know how to vent their grief properly. They may withdraw or express themselves in violent outbursts, but the healthier ones will tend to seek solace in others. Whether this is a friend, surviving parent, sibling or other significant person in their lives, they’ll reach out to those with whom they feel a special bond in order to find the comfort that they need when they’re grieving. Since the teen years are difficult enough, and a number of them exhibit suicidal tendencies, it’s extremely important to remember that those of this age group still need a strong support team and that their own ability to cope with their loss should never simply be assumed.
Summary
What it all boils down to is that, regardless of the age of the children, they all need to be related to in a kind, understanding and patient way when they’re struggling to cope with the loss of a parent. Although the age and circumstances surrounding their lives will require different approaches, a positive support system needs to be put into effect and practiced by those who are consistent figures in their every day lives, as well as the willingness to continue supporting them for the duration of their grieving process.
Diana L.M.I. Dawson is an award winning freelance writer with 30 years of experience in the literary field. In addition to the recognition that she’s enjoyed through the writing of articles, she has also excelled in the area of poetry, having been named Poet of the Year for three consecutive years, as well as International Poet of Merit. Other awards include the Shakespearean Award for Literary Excellence and the President’s Award for Outstanding Literature. She is currently listed in the International Who’s Who in Poetry, as well as in the Best New Poets of the 20th Century, and is a direct descendent of Alfred, Lord Tennyson.
Ethical Guidelines For Hypnotherapy
The study of ethics concerns moral choices, generally in the areas of relationships, agreements between parties, intentions, and possible outcomes. In practice this starts as the observation of the moral choices people make and the reasons given for these choices. Ethical thinking is then responsible for producing theories about what is, or should be, the basis for moral choice. In the case of a practicing hypno-psychotherapist the main place for ethical consideration concerns questions of what expectations clients can have ? basically the laws which govern the therapist, and the rights of the client.
During the following discussion of the ethical guidelines which are key for an ethical hypno-psychotherapeutic practice we must assume that the laws of the county take precedence. However, it is important that professional bodies take responsibility for their members and provide them with boundaries within which they can legally and safely practice and which ensure the safety, physically and psychologically, of their clients.
Broadly speaking the key ethical guidelines involved in the practice of hypno-psychotherapy can be divided into two areas, one, how the therapist should conduct their practice, and two, how the therapist should behave toward the client. This classification holds when considering a variety of professional bodies including the NCHP (the “College”), The International Society of Professional Hypnosis (ISPH), The National Guild of Hypnotists’ Code of Ethics and Standards (NGH), and The National Board of Professional and Ethical Standards ? Hypnosis Education and Certification (NBPES). We will concentrate on the guidelines outlined by the NCHP primarily, but where other bodies have additional guidelines these will be mentioned, particularly in the second part of the paper.
The NCHP’s code of ethics consists of 17 points and two clauses which outline the consequences of breaking the ethical code. The consequences of not keeping to the ethical guidelines are not important for discussing the ethical issue and so will not be considered further.
The spirit of all of this material is contained within the College’s statement as follows;
“All therapists are expected to approach their work with the specific aims of alleviating suffering and promoting the well-being of their clients. Therapists should, therefore, endeavour to use those abilities and skills commensurate with their trained competence, to the clients’ best advantage, without prejudice and with due recognition of the value and dignity of every human being.” (NCHP, 2001).
Clearly then the intention of the guidelines is primarily to assist the client, however, it is also clear that therapists are being protected by the insistence that they work within their area(s) of competence.
Rather than reproduce verbatim the College’s guidelines, using the aforementioned categories (practice/client) an outline of these guidelines will be presented. It should be borne in mind that the boundary between the two categories is not always clear and that this is a distinction of convenience.
The rights of the client are protected in points 2, 5, 6, 7, 9, 10, and 11. They require that therapists only use treatments that they are familiar with, they maintain confidentiality, contact third parties as necessary and with the client’s permission, maintain appropriate personal boundaries (in all spheres), and ensure that clients are consulted if they are to be involved in research and if so, their anonymity is maintained. In none of these is there a specific requirement for not causing harm to the client in the process of alleviating suffering.
The NGH specifically state that, “Frightening, shocking, obscene, sexually suggestive, degrading or humiliating suggestions shall never be used with a hypnotized client”, and the ISPH state, “Suggestions shall be avoided, whether given post-hypnotically or otherwise, which are of a degrading or embarrassing nature.” This is a potentially interesting area of difference because in essence it would allow a therapist working within the College’s guidelines to use “harmful” interventions if they fell within the therapist’s area of competence and if they ultimately led to the client’s well being and lack of suffering. Other than this final point, the College guidelines appear to guarantee the client, as far as is reasonably possible, protection from unwanted, overt outcomes that could come about once hypno-psychotherapy has been consented to.
Two areas of potential concern, where it might be argued there are loop-holes, are in points 5 and 10. Point 5 is concerned with confidentiality and disclosure and specifically states, “It should be borne in mind that therapists have a responsibility to the community at large, as well as to individual clients.” Where does the boundary lie which separates responsibility for the client and responsibility for the community? If in regression a client reveals they have been a victim of a serious crime and that they can identify the perpetrator should the therapist try to convince the client to contact the police? If the client reveals that s/he was the perpetrator of a serious crime should the therapist contact the police? Should the therapist inform the client in either of these cases if it appears that the client has completely repressed the information?
These concerns may influence a therapist’s decisions regarding what their own limits of confidentiality are and in turn this may alter their ability to practice.
Point 10 concerns the maintenance of clients’ anonymity and welfare when material based on cases is going to be published. In principle anonymity can be maintained by substituting the individual’s name. However some of the details of a case might be enough for the person’s identity to be guessed at (recent media cases involving accusations of rape against John Leslie, and certain premiership footballers, and the case of Dr. David Kelly are evidence of this). This means that some of the interesting areas of the case might have to remain unpublished as they would too closely identify the individual client. The dilemma then is how we can guarantee that the quality of published work is maintained without accidentally identifying the clients involved.
The ethical practice of the hypno-psychotherapy is outlined by the College in points 1, 3, 4, 8, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, and 17. They cover the professionalism of the therapist, disclosure of their qualifications, and terms, conditions, and methods of practice, the necessity for continued professional development, constraints on advertising and using hypnosis as entertainment, and guidelines on requirements concerned with complaints against the therapist or a colleague.
Basically they are concerned with ensuring that therapists are suitably qualified to engage in work, that they will maintain their skills and that their business is carried out in a manner which will not bring disrepute upon the therapist, the College or the practice of hypno-psychotherapy. One interesting difference between the College and the ISPH is that the ISPH would refer to most therapists trained by the College as “Hypnotechnicians”, that is they are not trained medical doctors, psychiatrists or clinical psychologists. Why this is important is that according to ISPH guidelines hypnotechnicians are not permitted to perform all therapeutic interventions;
“Age regression is not to be undertaken by the ‘hypnotechnician’. The society regards age regression as a tool of the psychotherapist and not the hypnotechnician because of the possibility of arousing traumatic past experiences which the technician is not competent to handle. Age regression by a hypnotechnician may only be undertaken at the direction of and in the actual, physical presence of an MD, psychiatrist clinical or psychologist.” (ISPH, 2003).
Apart from this difference the College and the other bodies mentioned earlier are in agreement about the ethical issues concerned with the practice of hypno-psychotherapy. The previous outline of the ethical requirements has highlighted some areas where there is the possibility of some concern regarding these issues and the following discussion will focus on two. First, concerning the discomfort of a client whilst in the process of change and second concerning the ethics of the practice of regression.
As stated in the College’s guidelines, therapists are explicitly expected to “alleviate suffering” and promote “the well-being of their clients”. At the first glance this might seem to suggest that the process of hypno-psychotherapy should be without suffering or loss of well-being, although by the very nature of abreaction this is not going to be possible in all cases.
In some ways we may think of abreaction as an unfortunate consequence of alleviating suffering, in that the therapist is not always seeking to cause it, although it might be necessary for successful treatment. Of more concern is where it might be necessary to purposefully produce suffering and loss of well-being in a client in order to achieve a beneficial outcome, one that the client requests.
For example, a well known technique used with sex offenders, based on behaviourist principles, is aversion therapy (Marshall, Anderson, & Fernandez, 1999). This requires that the offender imagines a scene in which they are about to offend, and then they are either asked to imagine an aversive outcome (for example, whilst about to approach a child outside a school, a paedophile would be asked to imagine feeling a hand on their shoulder and turning to see a policeman) or are presented with an aversive stimulus (an electric shock, aversive smell etc.). The idea being that these aversive outcomes become paired with the offending behaviour and so that behaviour is reduced. Similarly, humiliation has been used to change the behaviour of exhibitionists.
In principle these same approaches could be used in hypnosis, with post-hypnotic suggestions etc. The ultimate goal is to alleviate the suffering which inappropriate thoughts and fantasies might be causing the client and thus reduce the risk to the community. The College does not specifically address this issue although we can assume that they do not intend clients to have to suffer, but other bodies do address it. The NGH specifically state that, “Frightening, shocking, obscene, sexually suggestive, degrading or humiliating suggestions shall never be used with a hypnotized client.”
Conversely they also state, “Members shall use hypnosis with clients to motivate them to eliminate negative or unwanted habits, facilitate the learning process etc.” (NGH, 2002). Thus, in certain areas where hypnosis might prove useful it appears that there is a contradiction ? it is the therapist’s role to motivate the client to change unwanted habits (or more generally, behaviours), yet the tools which have proved useful in order to do this are not available because of the discomfort they might cause the client. The ethical issue revolves around two points, firstly, the relationship with the client and secondly the relationship with society. Should the rights of the individual outweigh the potential benefits of the many? That is, should our concern for the client be greater than our concern for potential victims? The dilemma occurs because we have to make a choice between two conflicting demands and results.
This was recognised by the ethical principle of Intuitionism (Moore, 1903) where an action can be defined as ‘right’ if it leads to a ‘good’ outcome; the problem being then which outcome is more ‘good’. Indeed, it is more complex because such work could not be performed without the client’s consent, so what is the therapist’s position if the client demands that s/he receives treatment which might be “frightening, shocking, obscene, sexually suggestive, degrading or humiliating”? Should they agree to this, and if so, what if another client were to make other demands, such as demanding that their lack of self-esteem would be alleviated if the therapist were to engage in sexual activity with them? (See note 1).
To resolve this issue would require a far lengthier consideration than is possible here, however one approach might be to restrict the interpretability of ethical guidelines (e.g., “a therapist may not under any circumstances engage in sexual activity with a client, present or past”), and, where necessary, make them case specific. For example, the above issue concerning treatment of sexual offenders could be dealt with if the use of negative material were permitted in specific cases. This is in line with Aristotle’s ideas of “efficient cause” and “final cause”.
Understanding the final cause, or outcome, will guide us in knowing how to achieve it (via the efficient cause) and it is the meaning and purpose of the final cause which determines if it is ethically ‘good’. Where it has been proven to have ultimately positive outcomes, and where the client consents, such interventions could be argued as being appropriate and there are likely to be few other areas of intervention where such imagery might be useful and appropriate. A statement such as, “Negative imagery may be used by a therapist trained in treating sexual offenders, where is can be clearly shown to be the best form of treatment and with the written consent of the client, the client either suffering from, or having acted upon inappropriate sexual fantasies” might be a useful first draft. Naturally, before this was adopted it would have to be shown that such interventions do indeed produce the desired results.
The second area where they may be some concern is in the use of regression. The concerns about the effects of regression requiring a competent therapist have been mentioned, but there are two other areas of interest.
Firstly, the ethics of regression itself and secondly the assumption that the effects will be short lived, that they will occur during therapy. As described above, therapists are ethically required to engage in practices which do not cause harm to the client, although it has been argued that in certain situations, if the outcome warrants it, this restriction may be lifted. The ethical problem with regression (See note 2) is that neither the therapist nor the client knows what might be awaiting the client when s/he is regressing. The latter issue is important because it leads to a problem with informed consent.
How can the client reasonably be expected consent to something when they do not know what the outcome might be? Of concern to the harm issue is that the therapist does not know if the client’s past will be traumatic (and potentially frightening, humiliating, sexually suggestive etc.), does not know how being exposed to this might influence the client’s later decisions and actions and finally, whether the retrieved information will be something which the therapist is qualified to deal with.
Although it is always possible to refer a client to a more qualified therapist this does not remove the ethical responsibilities of the original therapist. The dilemma is similar in this case as it was in the previous one, the important difference being that in the former the decision to use negative imagery is informed by empirical evidence, knowledge of the client, and used with consent, whereas here the occurrence of negative memories (and their nature and quality) cannot be predicted, and true informed consent cannot be given.
Of secondary importance is what the therapist should do if the retrieved memories are of an illegal nature, whether the client is the victim or the perpetrator, but this could be addressed to some extent in the therapists description of their code of conduct for confidentiality. The problem with this particular set of ethical issues is that it is not possible to produce appropriate guidelines. It is meaningless to demand that therapists do not uncover negative and potentially harmful memories in clients because there is no way in which this can be achieved. All that can be done is that therapists can be suitably trained to ensure that they can manage these occurrences.
However, there are circumstances where this might not be possible. For example, feelings of humiliation, anger, sadness etc. can be reasonably dealt with in the therapeutic session, but longer term emotional consequences cannot necessarily be so easily handled. If a client has retrieved a painful memory of having mistreated someone this can alter the way they behave toward this person, or their feeling about themselves as an individual.
In severe cases this might lead to suicidal ideation and attempts at suicide. Where a client recovers a memory of having been mistreated by an individual they may decide to exact revenge, something which will be out of the therapists hands. If the client does not share these particular aspects of their thinking with the therapist, either because they do not wish to, or because they occur when the session has finished, or if s/he does share them but the therapist does not have suitable experience, it is clear that the therapist no longer has control of these unintended consequences of regression.
These secondary, or unintended effects, have been discussed by some philosophers. For example, St. Thomas Aquinas (trans. 1964) argued that everything is governed by a “natural law”, where everything has its proper end. By this argument one is only responsible for the immediate consequences of one’s actions, not unintended effects, and this is known as the Law of Double Effect. Unfortunately this argument does not really help with the ethical responsibilities of a therapist working through regression and certainly is not a suitable resolution to the dilemma. Simply washing our hands of later consequences is probably not the intention of any of the governing bodies of hypno-psychotherapy.
So how can we resolve this dilemma? Logical positivism suggests that moral statements are meaningless because they are neither tautologies nor are they empirical statements of fact. They are thus expressions of preference and emotion (Thompson, 2003). In this situation it may be the best that we can hope for, providing statements of preference, based on emotion.
It is not possible to cover every eventuality, but it is possible to provide preferred guidelines which also outline courses of action should the outcome of regression prove negative for the client. Careful training of therapists, ensuring that each therapist has a support network, including contact with the body experts at the therapist’s training college can go some way in preparing therapists for worst case scenarios. We must also have some understanding of where the therapist’s ethical responsibility ends. Should therapists be responsible (whether ethically, emotionally or legally) for their client’s behaviour a week, a month, or a year after therapy has ended? Hypno-psychotherapists may have to consult with other professional bodies (the British Medical Association, the British Psychological Society, the Law Society etc.) in order to inform decisions relating to this matter.
This brief outline of ethical guidelines and ethical issues in hypno-psychotherapy demonstrates the difficulty in trying to produce legislation for interventions which affect other individuals. It is not restricted to the practice of hypno-psychotherapy, but occurs in medicine and mental health amongst others. In some case it might be possible to produce guidelines which allow for the ethical treatment of clients, and which provide safety for the therapists, in some, as in the second case discussed, it may not be possible. Either way we must consider ethical guidelines as a template for the practice of hypno-psychotherapy and never forget that counter examples and exceptions will arise, at which point it is the therapists responsibility to discuss the matter with their supervisor and other qualified therapists.
Note 1
(The NGH states as one of its general principles, “The rights and desires of the client shall always be respected” but therapists are warned against “moral impropriety or sexual misconduct with a client” and the College warns “therapists are required to maintain appropriate boundaries with their clients and to take care not to exploit their clients, current or past?”, thus the therapist is required to consider issues of vulnerability and morality rather than the ethical guidelines being absolute in this case.)
Note 2
Throughout this paper the assumption is being made that recovered memories are true representations of past events. The debate concerning recovered memories raises another set of important ethical issues which require a separate discussion.
References
St Thomas Aquinas general editor: Thomas Gilby Summa Theologiae – Latin and English (1964). London: Blackfriars in conjunction with Eyre & Spottiswoode.
Aristotle translated and edited by Roger Crisp. Nicomachean ethics. (2000). Cambridge: Cambridge University Press.
Marshall, W.L., Anderson, D. & Fernandez, Y (1999). Cognitive Behavioural Treatment of Sexual Offenders. Chichester: John Wiley & Sons, Ltd.
Moore, G.E. (1903). Principia Ethica. Cambridge: Cambridge University Press.
National College of Hypnosis and Psychotherapy (NCHP) (2001). Code of Ethics and Practice. http://www.hypnotherapyuk.net/ethics.htm
The International Society of Professional Hypnosis (ISPH) (1978) Code of ethics and standards. http://www.iit.edu/departments/csep/PublicWWW/codes/coe/ International_Society_for_Professional_Hypnosis.html
The National Guild of Hypnotists (NGH) (2004) Code of Ethics and Standards http://www.hypnosisunlimited.com/Hypnosis-How.html The National Board of Professional and Ethical Standards ?
Hypnosis Education and Certification (NBPES) (2004). The National Board of Professional and Ethical Standards – Code Of Ethical Standards. http://hypnosiseducation.com/ code%20of%20ethics.htm
Thompson, M. (2003). Ethics. London: Hodder Headline Inc.
Simon Diff – Hypnotherapist
Job Search Advice for Desperate Job Seekers
Another morning of job hunting lies ahead of you. You pour a cup of coffee and open the paper to the employment section. With a mixture of anticipation and desperation you pick up a stub of pencil and prepare to target and identify some possible job opportunities.
There are less ads to circle this morning and despite the promising words and vague descriptions you have begun to believe that none of these potential employers will seriously consider you. Perhaps they have family or friends or maybe you’ll hear once again “I’m afraid you’re overqualified for this position”.
After making a few phone calls you try to get into a positive frame of mind. You head out the door, a folder of resumes in one hand and a list of addresses at the next. You will drop off a few resumes and have plans for an interview this afternoon.
Maybe today will be different…
Are you or a friend looking for work? Have you heard of acquaintances laid off from long-term employment only to find four or five months later that they are still unable to find a job?
If you think the only way to find a job is to have connections, you may be partly right. With such a demand for employment many jobs never make it to the paper. How can you compete?
NETWORKING
“Leave no stone unturned”. Tell friends, family and acquaintances of your job search. These people can give you an ‘IN’ to their businesses when positions come available.
They may also hear of someone who is hiring and keep you updated on opportunities you may not otherwise have heard about. Their personal referral can also make an impression on the employer in your behalf.
NON-POSTED JOBS
You don’t have to wait for a job to be listed in the paper, or even posted on the company board, to apply for work at a company.
Go through the phone book and make a list of companies you’d like to work for. Call and ask if there are any positions available. Ask for the name of the human resources manager or the individual in charge of hiring for the area you are applying to.
Send a resume and direct it to the person in charge of hiring. Write a cover letter that expresses your interest in the company and why you’d like to work for them. Follow up several days later and ask for the individual. Tell them you’re checking to see that they received your resume and ask if there are any positions that may become available.
If they are not hiring suggest you’ll check back at another time. Often positions are made available unexpectedly and by keeping in contact (without pestering) you may be the first person that comes to mind.
This is not a secret. If you’re not taking advantage, someone else will. You can’t afford to miss out on making yourself known to employers BEFORE the job posting is made public.
Accessing this hidden job market may open up opportunities you never thought possible. By staying one step ahead of other job searchers you can be sure that your new job is just around the corner!
Roger Clark is senior editor at Top Career Resumes who provide free information to job seekers on all aspects of finding a new job and Medical Health News where you can find the most up-to-date advice and information on many medical, health and lifestyle topics.







