Posts Tagged ‘coaching’
Communicating Anger Compassionately
Whether it is irritability or unmitigated rage, anger is an emotion everyone knows about. Unfortunately, few people have been taught how to mange this feeling in an assertive and compassionate way. If we resort to raising our voice, yelling, or lashing out when we are angry; that is an aggressive expression of anger. Approximately 70% of people have a tendency to suppress anger. In other words, they bottle it up and lash out later. Bottling up feelings often leads to ‘anger attacks’-those bursts of rage that leave you feeling guilty afterwards.
Given the statistics, there is a 90% chance that you may not be communicating your anger in a compassionate way. What happens when anger is not communicated compassionately? In other words, what is the effect of either suppressive or aggressive anger behavior? Aside from destroying relationships and careers, the physical health affect of inappropriate anger management can be deadly.
My review of the medical literature over the past 30 years on the effect of inappropriate anger behavior health suggests a direct link with heart disease, arthritis, MS, high blood pressure, cancer, and strokes to name a few. Such professionals as: Deepka Chopra, Bernie Siegal, Wayne Dyer, Carolyn Myss, Maryann Williamson, Louise Hay have reported the same conclusions. It has been reported a person with high anger has a risk of a heart attack that is three times more likely than someone who has low anger. It is also a fact that a woman is ten times more likely to die from heart disease than breast cancer with anger being an independent risk factor for the former illness.
If you are a person who suppresses anger, you may have a greater likelihood of turning the anger toward yourself, known as depression, than someone who expresses anger assertively. Women resort turning the anger inward at roughly twice the rate of men. Men are encouraged and rewarded from a young age to externalize their anger. Women are encouraged and rewarded from a young age to turn their anger inward. One of the symptoms of even mild depression is insomnia. Insomnia in turn can lead to a weakened immune function, memory loss, and in the worst case, prevent tissue repair and being accident prone.
As you can readily see, anger is not simply an unpleasant emotion. It can have a deadly influence on your health. However, note that anger per se is not the problem. It is what you do with the anger. So if you are angry with someone or some event, how can you communicate compassionately?
Communicating anger compassionately requires a two step process. The first step involves communicating with yourself so that you understand the spiritual significance of your anger. The second step is expressing your anger compassionately involves getting your needs met without harming others. It also means forgiving others.
Step I: Communicate with yourself by reframing your anger. Instead of blaming the other person or event when you are angry, ask the question, “What is my anger teaching me about myself?” You need to shift the negative focus off the ‘other’ person or event and direct the questions to yourself. In fact you can harness this very powerful energy and use it for healing in the broadest sense of the term. Think of your anger as a doorway to some virtue that you need to learn. It could be that you need to learn personal responsibility, a greater sense of self-esteem, compassion or creativity. Anger is a barometer that can help you assess where you need to do spiritual work on yourself.
If for example you are angry because you have been abused in a relationship the message of your anger could be that you need to stop being a victim. In other words, it is a self-esteem issue. It means loving yourself more. Loving yourself means realizing that you are one with everyone from a divine standpoint. Avoid confusing this with the ego belief that you are superior or inferior to anyone else. It means that you do not tolerate your own inner dialogue of criticism. It also implies that you may need to garner the courage to speak up when you need to set boundaries. After taking corrective action to restore your self-esteem, the second step is to nurture it on a regular basis, so it continues to grow.
If you think you are victimized and are angry about it, then you need to ask yourself, “What mistaken belief patterns am I still holding?” Your anger is simply sending the message that, ’some thing is not right.’ It is up to you to figure out what is not right in your belief pattern. Your task is to change these beliefs of unworthiness to beliefs of infinite potential.
While your anger can teach you about self-esteem, it can also teach many other virtues. For example, you may need to learn personal responsibility. Without personal responsibility for the affairs of your life, it is virtually impossible to succeed in any major area of your life. Although you may have legitimate concerns in your life, the important point, however, is your ability to respond to such concerns and your decision to learn from them. From a spiritual sense, a ‘problem’ really does not exist. It is how you interpret and label the ‘problem.’
If you label your concern as a ‘problem’ in your mind, then it is likely that you will trigger anger. The message of your anger is that you need to change your label of ‘problem’ into a label of ‘learning.’ If you are able to do this, this will solve 99% of your emotional pain. Often it is too difficult for us to accept personal responsibility because we think we are separate from each other.
One meaning of responsibility is the ‘ability to respond.’ Before you respond to a stimulus (e.g. an outside event or something someone said to you), there is a gap between the stimulus and your response. It is within this space that you have the opportunity to think and choose your response instead of automatically doing what you have been doing all along (i.e. being reactive). It is not what you experience; it is how you choose to think about what you experience.
If you have found the spiritual meaning of your anger, you may not need any verbal or written communication with the ‘offending’ party. Sometimes, however, you may need to verbally communicate your anger. In this case, you can communicate assertively.
Step II: Communicate assertively with others:
As a general principle, your goal for the communication is to dialogue and not simply have a one-way lecture. Further, your goal is to achieve a sense of peace at the end of the conversation by having a better understanding of the person and the situation. You will need to take the following steps to express your anger.
1. Avoid expressing your anger in the heat of the moment. Give yourself plenty of time to think about what you want to say. It could be hours or days.
2. Before starting the conversation, have eye contact with the person and have a relaxed pleasant body posture and facial expression. There are studies, which show that the act of pleasant and relaxed body posture and facial expression, itself reduces tension.
3. Listen to what the other person has to say by repeating or playing back (paraphrase) what he or she has said. Encourage the person you are speaking with to play back (paraphrase) what he or she has heard you say.
4. Empathize with the other person. For example: “I know this is a difficult subject to talk about.” It will soften any negative feedback you need to convey.
5. Start the conversation with “I” rather than “You” statements. Remember, you are the one who is experiencing the angry feelings and the other person is simply the ‘trigger.’ There is no such thing as ‘blame from a spiritual standpoint. Communicate your needs with statements such as, “What are your thoughts?” or “Here is my request.” Finally close the conversation with a positive note, such as; “It was good to talk with you about this. I have a better understanding.” Sometimes of course, this kind of communication will not work. You may need to take physical action such as leaving the room until the person is willing to listen in a calm un-hostile way. In the worst case scenario you might need to terminate a relationship or a job.
If a person has left your life and you are unable to express your feelings, what can you do? In this case, communicate through forgiveness. To forgive means that you erase a negative memory or picture of someone with a positive one. It does not mean condoning someone’s negative actions or letting them off the hook. It merely means that you will no longer hold any anger towards them.
Forgiveness is for your healing and your well being. Forgiveness frees you to learn from the experience. It is important that you learn to forgive the person, but not forget the spiritual lesson that was behind the experience. Until you forgive, the blocked energy of resentment will remain within you. Either of two things will happen: it might materialize as disease, or angry events will occur in the future in order that you learn the lesson of forgiveness. This is why forgiveness is so important.
Embrace your anger and learn from it. Instead of pushing it aside or expressing it aggressively, communicate with compassion so that it can aid you on your evolutionary growth to wholeness.
Dorothy M. Neddermeyer, PhD specializes in: Mind, Body, Spirit healing for Individuals, Special Issues and Professional Coaching. As an inspirational leader, Dr. Neddermeyer empowers people to view life’s challenges as an opportunity for Personal/Professional Growth and Spiritual Awakening. http://www.gen-assist.com.
The Tolerance Effect
While working with a client several months ago, we went through a process of identifying areas of personal strengths and weaknesses. Through this exercise, we discussed various characteristics and ended up deciding that there was opportunity for improvement in her level of “tolerance”. A funny thing happened after that. When she found herself in a situation that had previously triggered a negative reaction be it disappointment, irritation, frustration, anger or even animosity (usually focused on the person in the car ahead of her who didn’t use their turn signal), the word “tolerance” would flash in her head and she could immediately change the way she reacted to the situation.
This change was so powerful that I shared this story with a few other clients and they got the same results. Several weeks later, I found myself experiencing the same phenomenon.
Here’s what happened. Once the word “tolerance” was presented, it created an awareness to the conscious mind that could over-ride what already existed in the subconscious. As a result, each person was able to break the pattern of “programmed behavior”.
Another interesting factor that came from this experience was the far-reaching effects from this particular word. “Tolerance” isn’t a word that is often used to describe personal or professional traits but it has numerous positive connotations. Just a few examples would include: caring, kindness, support, non-judgmental attitudes, perception, consideration, open-mindedness, understanding, patience and flexibility. Taking this a step further, tolerance is an attribute that is usually applied when dealing with unpleasant or compromising situations or in our interactions with other people. Have you ever noticed how most of us are our own worst critic? Just imagine the impressive changes that could be achieved when we become more tolerant of ourselves!
What could you achieve if you were more flexible and open to trying new things? How much personal and professional growth could you realize if you were more patient with your progress? What alliances would you form if you could both give and get professional support? How would you feel if you were as kind to yourself as you are to others? Don’t be surprised when the word tolerance springs to your mind when you least expect it and see how it helps you become more focused on your success!
Jeannette Kraar, president of Performance Management International is the Breakthrough Career Coach and a highly-acclaimed trainer, speaker and consultant. Hundreds of PMI clients have succeeded even in the most turbulent times. Jeannette is the author of BREAKTHROUGH, The Hate My Job, Need A Life, Can’t Get No Satisfaction SOLUTION.
Learn more about the book at http://www.breakthroughcareersolutions.com
Email Jeannette at pmi@manageyoursuccess.com or visit her on-line at http://www.manageyoursuccess.com
Overcoming Work Addiction
Why are you so busy? Do you really have too much work? Is work so important to you that you’ll sacrifice just about anything in your life to get the job done? Even if it’s at the expense of your health and your relationships?
If you find these questions disturbing then see how you rate with these ones:
Do you work more than 50 hours a week?
Do you dream about work?
Do you feel that in order to succeed you must work late most of the time?
Are you a stranger in your own home?
Do you constantly miss family and social events because you’re always working?
Do you schedule and undertake more than you can get done in a 40-hour work week?
Do you get bored when you’re not working?
Is missing family and social events because of work unavoidable?
When on holiday do you constantly check your phone messages and email?
Your Score
The greater the number of yes answers, the closer you are to fitting the profile of a workaholic. If you’ve answered yes to more than half of the questions, it’s time to take stock before you lose your health, family and everything you hold near and dear to your heart.
Do a Stocktake
First, of all take a really good look at your job, what you do and the importance of your accomplishments. Are you appreciated for all those long hours you’ve put in? Does it really – I mean really – make a difference to your income? Let’s face it. In today’s economic environment, employees are often nothing more than expendable pawns. No amount of overtime and sacrifice will make a difference when a company has to make cutbacks.
Are You Having Fun?
Secondly, determine if you’re having fun at your job, long hours notwithstanding. If you’re not having fun and are popping antacids to avoid a stress-related ulcer, then you need to rethink all that hard work you’re putting in. Fun must be a high priority in your life and your job should be no exception.
Gary’s Story
In one of our coaching sessions, Gary told me he wanted to expand his social circle yet didn’t have time because he worked from 7.30 a.m. to 7.00 p.m. most days. He said he’d been doing this for years and that it was ‘the norm’ in his profession.
As I continued to question him about why it was standard procedure to work these ridiculous hours, he realised that those colleagues who succumbed to this belief were all very unhappy individuals. Most of them were divorced just like he was and had no-one to go home to. They used work as a way to avoid the loneliness.
Gary was divorced because he didn’t pay attention to his relationships. He would arrive home at 7.30 p.m. most nights and his wife wouldn’t bother communicating with him. She was busy looking after their two young boys and meeting their needs. At that time of night his wife was putting the kids to bed.
Gary would read them a story if they hadn’t already fallen asleep.
He was missing out on everything that was important to him.
Unfortunately Gary didn’t wake up to himself in time and got caught up with being ‘Mr. Important’ at work. He paid a heavy price with the divorce which followed.
Bringing Up Kids
In his book “Raising Boys”, Stephen Biddulph categorically states: If you routinely work a fifty five or sixty hour week, including travel times, you just won’t cut it as a dad.
He says: Your sons will have problems in life and it will be down to you.
The Final Word
If you seriously want to make changes to your life, then take action now. If it’s too hard to do by yourself, get a coach. If you’ve been a workaholic it can take awhile to break your old habits and to instill new behaviours. After all you’ve got everything to gain by working less and everything to lose by continuing the way you are.
About The Author
Lorraine Pirihi, principal of The Office Organiser (http://www.office-organiser.com.au) is Australia’s Personal Productivity Coach.
Lorraine specialises in working with businesspeople showing them how to dramatically boost their productivity, reduce the stress and the mess in their lives and have more time for enjoying their life.
We Offer a Broad Range of Services and Products including: Coaching for small business owners and professionals, keynote presentations and workshops, books, CD’s, DVD’s and on-line learning programs.
Take action today! Contact Lorraine to discuss your specific needs at lorraine@office-organiser.com.au
How to Effectively Balance Your Work and Family Life
What Is Your Definition of Success?
If you want to create balance in your life, it is important to know how you define success. The following list is a place to start. Cross off those that don’t seem important to you and add your own. Next, identify which of the items on your list are the most essential to your success definition and which items present the greatest challenge to you.
1. Being able to move on when a situation is no longer productive or positive
2. Being satisfied with your work situation
3. Enjoying the present, not putting off the good things until some time in the future
4. Expressing your creativity
5. Fulfilling your potential
6. Holding yourself with esteem separately from your work
7. Being authentic
8. Identifying your values and basing your choices on them
9. Managing your money well
10. Not feeling envious of others
11. Paying attention to your spiritual life
12. Spending time in fun ways away from your workplace
13. Spending time with people you cherish and enjoy
14. Taking good care of yourself
15. Understanding when to fight for something and when to give in
What would you add? Which items present the greatest challenge to you?
The 80/20 Rule
The 80/20 Rule, also known as the Pareto Principle, says that 20% of what we do produces 80% of the results. Some examples of this principle are:
? 20% of the people sell 80% of the widgets.
? 20% of the salespeople earn 80% of the commission.
? 20% of the parts in your car cause 80% of the breakdowns.
? 20% of the members of an organization do 80% of the work.
The 80/20 principle can help anyone create balance in their life. Here’s how:
1. Identify the times when you are most happy and productive (i.e., the 20% that produces the 80%) and increase them as much as possible.
2. Identify the times when you are least happy and productive (i.e., the 80% that produces the 20%), and reduce them as much as possible.
Your Seven Habits of Success
You have probably heard of Stephen Covey’s Seven Habits of Highly Effective People. As you create balance in your life, think about your own list of success habits. What seven things would lead to more happiness in your life if you did them every day? Here are some ideas to get you started:
1. Do something you love doing for at least part of the day.
2. Get some physical exercise.
3. Get some mental exercise.
4. Stimulate yourself artistically.
5. Stimulate yourself spiritually.
6. Do something for someone else.
7. Do something just for fun.
8. Acknowledge yourself for something you said or did.
What ideas would you add?
Dealing with Workaholism
What if a person needs more than just self-help in dealing with a lack of balance in work and family life? An organization called Workaholics Anonymous can help.
Workaholics Anonymous is a 12-step recovery program similar to Alcoholics Anonymous. It is a “fellowship of individuals who share their experience, strength, and hope with each other that they may solve their common problem and help others recover from workaholism. The only requirement for membership is a desire to stop working compulsively.”
How Do You Know if You Are a Workaholic?
Ask yourself these questions if you think you might be a workaholic:
1. Are you more comfortable talking about work than anything else?
2. Do you become impatient with people who do things besides work?
3. Do you believe that more money will solve the other problems in your life?
4. Do you get irritated when people ask you to stop working and do something else?
5. Do you get more energized about your work than about anything else, including your personal relationships?
6. Do you look for ways to turn your hobbies into money-making endeavors?
7. Do you often worry about the future, even when work is going well?
8. Do you take on extra work because you are concerned that it won’t otherwise get done?
9. Do you take work home with you? Do you work on days off? Do you work while you are on vacation?
10. Do you think about your work while driving, falling asleep, or when others are talking?
11. Do you think that if you don’t work hard you will lose your job or be considered a failure?
12. Do you work more than 40 hours in a typical week?
13. Do you work or read while you are eating?
14. Have your long hours hurt your family or other relationships?
Garrett Coan is a professional therapist,coach and psychotherapist. His two Northern New Jersey office locations are accessible to individuals who reside in Bergen County, Essex County, Passaic County, Rockland County, and Manhattan. He offers online and telephone counseling services for those who live at a distance. He can be accessed through http://www.creativecounselors.com or 201-303-4303.
The Real Truth About Working Smarter, Not Harder
Running a business or department can often stretch you to the limit.
To be effective at doing what you do best, it’s imperative to look at what tasks you can either delegate or outsource.
Delegating
This is an interesting word. For some people it means completely letting go of their responsibilities and getting someone else to do the work. Now that’s all well and good providing that you train that person on how you’ve been handling those tasks. Show them how it’s been done first.
For many business owners and managers, delegating means completely abdicating all responsibility for a particular task to somebody else without showing them how. They expect that person to know?immediately.
Well, forget it. No wonder you often hear people say, “I tried to delegate that task but no-one was as good as me at doing it!” Or “I just couldn’t find the right person who was capable of taking on those responsibilities”.
That’s an interesting comment. Often people are given responsibilities for which they have had no training in and are then expected to know how to carry out those duties. A great example of this is when a person is promoted to manager/team leader and he/she is automatically expected to know how to manage themselves and their people.
Coming In From the Outside
How about the new kid on the block who comes in to take up the reins in a position, which has already been vacated. They’re expected to run the department or business as if they’ve been working in the company for the past three years!
Outsourcing
When your car needs to be repaired do you spend hours trying to fix it or see a mechanic who takes two hours?
Do you do your own tax return or have an accountant prepare it for you?
If you need a new assistant do you place an ad in the paper, spend hours interviewing people or have a recruitment company do all the ground work and send you the top three applicants?
Why waste your precious time on tasks which will do exactly that?waste your precious time. And time is money!
Use the Experts
Use the valuable input of experts who can take away the stress and hassle and carry out the tasks in a fraction of the time it would take you. Sure you have to pay for it, but isn’t it better to work smarter, not harder?
Why spend hours on tasks which are not your specialty?
Identify what you do best then delegate or outsource the rest. In fact, if you truly feel you are good at what you do and are happy to share that, why not teach someone else those same skills, then you could really leverage yourself.
Particularly if you are business owner, this would allow you more time to work on your business rather than in it.
A Word of Caution For Business Owners
Be careful about who you get your advice from. I know of many small business owners who listen to the advice of their personal assistants, spouses and relatives on how they should run their business although those people have never been in business themselves.
By all means get feedback from your people, however if you really want to work smarter, not harder invest some money into a business coach or someone who has already run a successful business so that you can avoid costly mistakes and have someone else offer a fresh perspective. Being too closely involved can give you a tainted view.
The Final Word
Write down all your responsibilities and the tasks that you undertake. Tick the tasks which someone else could realistically do. Then write next to it either the name of the person or type of person/company who can do this for you or offer some expert assistance or support ie. bookkeeper, printing company, personal assistant, coach.
To work smarter not harder, always look at who else can do this work/task. Always look at lightening your load so that you can spend your time doing what you do best.
About The Author
Lorraine specialises in working with businesspeople showing them how to dramatically boost their productivity, reduce the stress and the mess in their lives and have more time for enjoying their life. www.office-organiser.com.au, lorraine@office-organiser.com.au
Top 10 Ways to Coach Yourself to Total Success!
Coaching is about being your best. It’s about performance, about “staying the course” and, in the end, about creating and living the life you really want. Many people use coaches to make more money, win the gold prize or do something dramatic. That’s fun, and when it’s right, it’s wonderful!
But most importantly, coaching is about living up to your own standards. It is, in Henry Thoreau’s famous words, about “marching to the beat of your own drum, no matter how faint or far away.” So, do I recommend you have a personal coach? Well, duh!
But if you can’t afford one, or aren’t ready for one, why not be your own coach? Here are a few suggestions:
1. Write down your goals. Review and re-write them once a week. This is old advice, but there is power and magic in writing your goals on paper! Write them down, then review them, think about them and up-date them every week. It may only take 20 minutes, but it will double your rate of success, I guarantee it!
2. Show up! Many of life’s most important achievements simply require that we show up, pay attention, tell the truth, work hard, go the extra mile, and do our best! Superior performance is not about the future, or the past. It’s about doing a superior job right now, on the work that lies right in front of you.
3. Eliminate Distractions. Keep your eye on the ball. Life is full of frustrations and distractions. Successful people do NOT tolerate the things that drive most of crazy ? they take the time to stop, solve the problem and eliminate the distraction once and for all. Stay focused!
4. Manage your environment. Top performers know that space management is more important than time management, and they have neat offices, clean cars, orderly appointment books, and they keep an extra suit at the office, just in case. Make your office (and your home) a space where you can do your very best work.
5. Read every day. Read something useful, challenging or fun every day. If you only spend 20 minutes with a book that motivates, excites and educates you, it will make a world of difference. I promise! Aim to read at least one book every month!
6. Attend a “University on Wheels”. Listen to educational, motivational and fun tapes while you drive. At least listen to soothing, appropriate music, rather than the “terror of the day” on talk radio! Fill your mind with the BEST information you can find!
7. Use a Master-Mind group. The term refers to a group of people who are committed to helping you be successful. Often, they meet once a week. Think of them as your “Advisory Committee”. Bounce ideas off them, ask them for advice, let them coach you!
8. Focus on values. Take time every week to review your values, the things that cost you nothing, but make life worth living. Write them down, share them with a friend, and remind yourself of what’s most important to you. Remembering your values will get you back on course!
9. Play more! Play a game of tennis, wrestle with the dog, shoot hoops with the kid next door. Laugh, get sweaty, have fun. It doesn’t cost; it pays!
10. Practice Gratitude! Periodically, ask yourself how many “good” days you’ve had this week. Notice what made the good ones good, and do more of the good stuff! And, be grateful. “I was angry that I had no shoes, until I met a man who had no feet.”
Even the most sophisticated modern cruise ships must constantly monitor their course. On our last cruise, Mary and I took a tour of the bridge, and were told the ship had no less than 5 automatic navigation computers, and that at least 2 officers were on duty at all times. Why the redundancy? Because having a cruise ship get lost, even briefly, is a very bad thing!
How many navigation systems do you use to guide your path? Having a handful of books, journals, friends and daily routines to “coach” you is not expensive, it’s the best investment you’ll ever make! Set up routines and use the best resources you can find to stay on course. Coach yourself to the top!
Here’s to your success!
© Copyright 2003 by Philip E. Humbert. All Rights Reserved. This article may be copied and used in your own newsletter or on your website as long as you include the following information: “Written by Dr. Philip E. Humbert, writer, speaker and success coach. Dr. Humbert has over 300 free articles, tools and resources for your success, including a great newsletter! It’s all on his website at: http://www.philiphumbert.com
101 Winning Choices
Personal missions statements (PMS) are just nothing but the winning choices. Our mind can program us in such a way that success ratio in personal, social & professional life changes drastically.
PMS or winning choices are exactly similar to that programming. It enables, focuses you on changing your habits, behavior, attitudes & shapes your character to develop & increase success with achievements to make you complete person with class & style.
PMS rules your mind & rules your senses. It makes powerful enough to flow with change, to make change, to make you determined optimistic and supply inner strength to nourish your positive attitude harmoniously.
I’ve written 101 special PMS / WCs which are common for any age & person form every walk of life. (parent, child, employee, retired, student, ETC.) you have to concentrate, Read, recite & memorize it & to make yourself the person of achievement. These are as follows.
1. Among choices & habits you much choose choice most of the times.
2. Among intellect & wisdom you must use both of them most of the time.
3. Among ‘play to win’ & ‘play not to loose’ you must choose u must practice ‘play to win’ all the times.
4. Among luck & effort you must first focus on the efforts every time.
5. Among design & default u must practice design each time.
6. Among Feelings & facts you must consider facts most of the time.
7. Among Reaction & Pro-action you must prefer Pro-action all the times.
8. Among talking negative & keeping quite you must choose ‘keeping quite’ every time.
9. Among talking & doing you must prefer doing all the times.
10. Among available & fit to use you must work to be FIT to Use every times.
11. Among chance & inaction you must choose chance most of the time.
12. Among Depression & action you must choose action each time.
13. Among Helplessness & hopelessness u must choose non all the time.
14. Among Trying & doing you must choose doing every time.
15. Among Knowledge & action choose both most of the time.
16. Among Relaxing & Energizing you must choose energizing all the time.
17. Among Intention & behavior u must understand the intention every time.
18. Among purpose & personality u must focus on purpose each time.
19. Among conformity & creativity u must practice creativity all the time.
20. Among Problem solving & problem Finding u must focus on Problem Finding most of the time.
21. Among Improving & maintaining u must choose improving most of the time.
22. Among Rigidity & flexibility u must choose Flexibility most of the time.
23. Among Creative & analytical thinking u must practice both all the time.
24. Among control & freedom u must choose freedom every time.
25. Among good & pleasant u must choose good most of the time.
26. Among existing & leaving u must practice living all the time.
27. Among past, Future & present u must focus on present most of the time.
28. Among Journey & destination u must enjoy journey all the time.
29. Be a person of appropriate response not reasons.
30. Be a person of influence not attention.
31. Be a person of motivating not demoralizing.
32. Be a person of initiatives not procrastination.
33. Be a person of visions with actions not just action.
34. Be a person of Empathy not just sympathy & envy.
35. Be a person with energy & activities not lethargy.
36. Be a person of concentration not wander & distraction.
37. Be a person of Specialization not just multiple skills.
38. Be a person with futuristic attitude not post- cogitation.
39. Be a person of Ideas not confusion.
40. Be a person of listening not hearing.
1. Be a person of think-full actions not think after actions.
2. Be a person of quality self-respect not ego.
3. Be a person to think for self not selfish.
4. Be a person of passion not pessimism.
5. Be a person of seeking opportunities not risks.
6. Be a person of control & restrain not protection & defiance.
7. Be a person of earning money not grabbing money.
8. Be a person of pleasure not irritation.
9. Be a person of observation for analysis not for nagging.
10. Be a person of finding best way not short-cuts.
11. Be a fundamental person of theory with practical not guess work.
12. Be a person of balanced dynamics not speed.
13. Be a person of smile not witty.
14. Be a person of working differently not abnormally.
15. Be a person of discipline for controlling not punishing.
16. Be a person of fact-full beliefs no self-deceit & unreal feelings.
17. Be a person of learning & learning form past mistakes not repeating mistakes.
18. Be a person of commitments not just promises.
19. Be a person of tolerance so you will learn patient.
20. Be a person of praising so that you will learn to appreciate.
21. Be a person of acceptance so you will learn to find love.
22. Be a person of courage so you will learn to dare.
23. Be a person of respect so you will learn value & price of everything.
24. Be a person of judgment not conclusion.
25. Be a person of reality not perception.
26. Be a person of managing crises not quitting.
27. Be a person of trust determination not doubts.
28. Be a person of prayer so you will realize the meaning of your own desires.
29. Be a person of living not existing.
30. Be a person of observing not just reading.
31. Be a person of challenges not deceits, revenge & resentments.
32. Be a person of virtues not just knowledge.
33. Be a person of learning for defeats not depression.
34. Be a person of generosity not just donation & charity.
35. Be a person with definiteness of a purpose not just focus.
36. Be a person with psychophysical balance not just control.
37. Be a person of possibilities not difficulties.
38. Be a person of plans not excuse.
39. Be a person of diplomatics not dominance.
40. Be a person of choices more than habits.
41. Be a person of controlled aggression not of anger.
42. Be a person of phenomenons not just common & ordinary.
43. Be a person of responsible emotional responses not emotional.
44. Be a person of confirmations not misconceptions.
45. Be a person of joys not jealousy.
46. Be a person of finding alternatives not double mind.
47. Be a person to succeed at home first so you will achieve more ourside.
48. Be a person of emotional balance not impulsive.
49. Be a person of solutions not discussing problems, blaming & criticizing.
50. Be a person of Excellency not perfections.
51. Be a person of finding & doing right things not with errors & mistakes.
52. Be a person of listening twice as much you speak.
53. Be a person of harmonizing your flow of thought & senses.
54. Be a person to defend who are not present.
55. Be a person of observation & analysis to differentiate both sides of a thing.
56. Be a person of positive attitudes not pessimistic & sarcastic.
57. Be a person of sincerity not sins & deceits.
58. Be a person to remember who helped you not miss-used you.
59. Be a person of consequences coz it maintains behavior.
60. Be a person of wisdom not just beauty.
61. Be a person of influence not just concern.
Practice it till you realize, Practice it till you sense, Practice it till you change,
Repeat it till you live, because we are what we repeatedly do.
Thanks for your time consideration
Nilesh Gore
www.brendynamics.com/gr
Name : Nilesh B Gore Profession : Graphologist(Handwriting Analyst) & SW. Eng. Email : ng411002@rediffmail.com Web : http://www.brendynamics.com/gr Country : India, Bhusaval, Ms Copyrights : © Nilesh B Gore. Author has written for HRD TIMES, newspapers (Sakal) and his articles had been published in number of websites.
10 Things I Wish I Would Have Known Before I Went Into the Real World
I must confess, I laughed when I saw that Maria Shriver has come out with a book called, “Ten Things I Wish I Had Known Before Going Into The Real World.” The real world? Come on, she grew up a Kennedy and married the biggest action movie star of all time! That aside, it got me to thinking: What are ten things I wish I would have known before going out into the real world? So, here they are…
Life isn’t fair. You know, your mother always told you this but as kids we never believe it. We think that somehow mom was two tacos short of a combo plate and that eventually we will go into the real world and show her how those who work hard and do right always do come out on top. Then after about five years we become disenchanted and start to smell the coffee. Life isn’t fair! Why didn’t anybody tell me that? I guess they did, didn’t they? Unfortunately, sometimes the bad guys wins. Sometimes people die early. We shouldn’t take this lightly, but we must be realists. While we accept what comes our way, we still strive to work hard, dream big, and do right.
People play favorites. It is true that it isn’t what you know but who you know that counts. This is because people play favorites. Sometimes it doesn’t matter that you are the best person or have the lowest bid. People will regularly cut deals with people they like or who can scratch their back in return. I guess the lesson to learn is that while we strive to achieve much and have excellent skills, we should also develop a strong network of healthy relationships.
People will let you down. Being a person who does what he says can be a blessing and a curse. It is a blessing because I am able to look at myself in the mirror each day. It is a curse because if you are like that, you will most likely expect that from others and yet they will regularly let you down. People can be bad at keeping their word or doing what is right. I could have relieved a lot of emotional stress if I would have known this one before getting out into the real world.
Not everybody wants to grow personally. I just assumed that everybody loved to learn and to grow. I thought everybody wanted to get better at what they did. The reality is, however, that most people do not. That is why there is something that we call “average.” Most people want to stay where they are. That is why they do. Those who strive to go forward will always be cutting against the grain and will often be resented, even if quietly, for it.
The stock market goes down sometimes. Some of you older folks knew this. But us young whippersnappers, we have been riding it high on the hog for a while. This is good in a sense, but unless you have some common sense of how financial markets work, you can get quite a shock from time to time. You see, before you get into the real world, everything gets handed to you and you really don’t have to work for much. Then you do and you think that every investment will turn out grand – whoops!
The older you get, the harder it is to lose weight. I was always a little “pudgy.” Nothing big, just not like the cover guys of Men’s Health Magazine (You know, the ones that say “Six-pack abs in 20 minutes a day.” I think that means they only eat twenty minutes a day, and it is usually stewed vegetables! But I digress…). If I would have known better, I would have worked harder when I was younger to keep the weight off so I wouldn’t have to work that much harder now!
Marriage is work. A good marriage is more work. When you are young you think, “I’ll find the girl of my dreams and we’ll live happily ever after.” Well, hello! You forget that your spouse is human and you are too, most of the time! To live under the same roof with someone and to work out likes and dislikes, personalities, and schedules, not to mention life goals and the like is HARD WORK! Not drudgery, just work. Yes, there will be plenty of bliss and joy, but marriage will make you work for it!
It takes longer to get out of debt than to get into it. I have never really had much debt. I did take out student loans to pay for school and wow, do they take a long time to get out of. Fortunately I have them paid off but for a while there, it was one of the big checks we wrote every month. Many people think credit cards are great because they can have what they want when they want it. Too bad they don’t realize that twenty minutes of shopping ecstasy will result in months or years of payments.
It doesn’t work to try to please others. I have always wanted people to like me. Many times, I wanted them to like me too much. That isn’t good. This doesn’t work because I realized that most of the time, people liking or disliking you has nothing to do whatsoever with rational thought. Some people will dislike you, no matter how well you have done, and others will love you, warts and all. So I do my best and let the chips fall where they may – now.
You need to tend to your spiritual, emotional, and physical health or you will crash hard. If you don’t take time for yourself, both inwardly and outwardly, your body will catch up with you. You can take time for yourself by choice or not. It is much more fun by choice! Life is hard and it can and will weigh you down. We need to tend the fires of spirit and mind while keeping our physical bodies tuned for success as well. If not, our bodies break down.
Bonus: In spite of the above, life is very much worth it! Some of the above may seem like bummers. They aren’t the “positive” things we like to focus on, but they are true. Being positive doesn’t mean sticking your head in the ground in order to avoid the negative of life. What it means is that we are realists who understand the negative aspects of life and choose to be optimists instead. We deal with the negative and pursue the positive. That is why I can say that life is worth living no matter how expensive or painful the lessons I have had to learn have been. Life is good and I can make it better!
So I had to learn some lessons AFTER I got into the real world. So what? At least I learned them and can live the rest of my life to the fullest from now on! I hope you can too!
About The Author:
Chris Widener is a popular speaker and writer as well as the President of Made for Success, a company helping individuals and organizations turn their potential into performance, succeed in every area of their lives and achieve their dreams.
To see Chris “live” at the upcoming Jim Rohn Weekend Event as he speaks on the subject of Secrets of Influence go to http://Chris-Widener.InspiresYOU.com/ or call 800-929-0434.
Choosing The Perfect Coach
So, you’re ready to start coaching. You either have some issues that you think a coach can help you overcome, or you just think it’s time for a quality of life tune-up. You’ve reviewed your budget and set aside some money to cover the fees and you’ve ascertained that you are reasonably free of any serious mental or emotional issues that might interfere with the process. But now comes the big question: “How can I find a coach that’s right for me?”
To Niche Or Not To Niche?
For starters, you need to know what kind of coach you want to work with. Do you want a generalist or someone who specializes in your issue or lifestyle? Some professionals hang out the shingle of a “life coach” and field anything and everything that comes their way, within their own personal standards and competencies. Others specialize so tightly that you wonder how they can find a big enough market to stay in business (and yet, they do!). A generalist can be great if you’re not sure what your main issue is, or if you want the freedom to move around from one life issue to another over a wide range of areas and subjects, whereas a specialist is perfect for someone who wants to concentrate on a very specific segment of their life or activities. And for every possible niche, problem, situation or person there are at least a handful of coaches – parenting coaches, menopause coaches, family coaches, business coaches, family business coaches, custody coaches and coaches for single dad’s who own their own business and who want to be better fathers and businessmen (see what I mean about a narrow market wedge?). If you live it, run it, do it or live through it there’s a coach out there who works with people just like you.
Quack or Jack?
One thing you should know before setting off to find a coach is that as of this writing (9/04), there is no consistent or required certification process for coaches in America (or in many other countries, that I know of). However, that does not mean that the industry is full of fakes and fumblers. As in many professions, lack of credentials do not necessarily indicate a lack of skills and ability any more than a wall full of degrees guarantees them.
Currently, the International Coaching Federation and the International Association of Coaches are the top two certifying boards in America. However, since coach certification itself is so new, very few coaches have been certified to date. This means that there are thousands of perfectly competent and even gifted coaches out there with no “papers” to speak of. So how do you tell a good coach from a bad one? The only real way to tell is to do your homework. Ask for references from prior clients. Check to see if the coach in question is a registered member of any of the ethical regulating boards, such as the IAC or ICF. If your coach gets results, doesn’t cross any ethical lines (diagnosing mental illness, offering guarantees of improvement, crossing personal/professional boundaries, etc) and fits well with your personality and way of being, then you are probably in good hands.
Be Vewwy Vewwy Quiet – I’m Hunting Coaches
Now that you’ve narrowed down your choice, it’s time to go on the hunt for a few coaches who meet your requirements on availability, price and personality. Of course, word of mouth is always the best way to find any professional service provider, as they come prescreened and pre-approved by people you trust. If you don’t know anyone who can recommend a coach, one of the easiest ways to find one is through a coach referral system. Be sure the referring site’s requirements for listing submissions meet your personal guidelines for coaches – some sites require little more than a submission fee. A few of the more popular and reputable coach referral sites are Coachville, the International Association of Coaches, the International Coach Federation, and the European Coaching Institute.
Check out the prospective coach’s profile and their website, if they have one. Do they inspire a feeling of competence and professionalism? Read through any articles or other material they have written to get a feel for what sort of person they are and if their views and outlook mesh with yours.
See if they offer a free initial interview – most do – and set up a call with your top picks. Come prepared with a list of questions you want to ask – don’t forget to inquire about price, frequency of sessions, between session support such as emails and brief phone calls and anything else that you can think of that gives you pause. Share any fears and concerns you have with the coach and pay attention to how they answer as much as what they say. Are they evasive, or effusive? Do they make sure they understand your question completely before answering or do they give you a canned speech? Are they warm and inviting or brusque and fast-paced?
You’ll have to decide for yourself who fits your personality best – ask about cancellation policies if you’re worried about getting “stuck” in a coaching relationship – but if you follow these guidelines you’ll have a sound start on your next great adventure – exploring you. Bon voyage!
(c) Soni Pitts
ABOUT THE AUTHOR
Soni Pitts is the Chief Visionary Butt-Kicker of SoniPitts.Com. She specializes in helping others reclaim “soul proprietorship” in their lives and to begin living the life their Creator always intended for them.
She is the author of the free e-book “50 Ways To Reach Your Goals” and over 100 self-help and inspirational articles, as well as other products and resources designed to facilitate this process of personal growth and spiritual development.
Handling Disappointment
Disappointment is an inevitable part of home-based business. Clients won’t pay, bids fall through, or business associates don’t come through on their promises or act unethically. Some people will deliberately foster cynicism in their consciousness as a way of avoiding the pain of disappointment. This is mistaken as a means of making life better. Disappointment is a temporary condition. Cynicism is a long term poisoning sickness. Neither is necessary; but until the addiction to cynicism is broken, the attraction of positive events in life is greatly inhibited. Thus there is a cycle of disappointment and cynicism. Let go of that negativity and let the good in.
Cynicism is the result of frustrated anger. We have failed to give ourselves permission to own our anger about some life event, by telling ourselves that we should have known better in the first place. This allows no space to express or release the anger, and a cycle can be set up of trying to avoid the same situation from occurring again. So, we will say “I knew it,” or some version of that as a form of defense against this internalized anger.
A better attitude to take is one of realism. We must accept that it’s alright to be angry, to know that life is not supposed to go badly. We must acknowledge that the world does not always reward people on the basis of our merits and go on from there. Nothing will change for the better unless we want it to and take concrete steps to make this happen. Cynicism deprives us of the energy we need to make things better for ourselves and the rest of the world.
About The Author
Janet K. Ilacqua is a freelance writer based in Tracy, California. She specializes in academic writing and ghostwriting of books and manuals for individuals and small businesses. For more information about her services, check her website at http://www.writeupondemand.com.
