Posts Tagged ‘coaching’
Be A Champion Communicator by Becoming a Chameleon
Recently, I worked with a client who was having a problem with some of the women in her organization. The organization had just undergone major changes, which resulted in different reporting relationships for many of the women. The problem was that the women were having trouble effectively communicating with their new bosses.
Before the changes, the women were able to work with their supervisors very successfully. They and their supervisors shared similar communication styles, so they complemented each other quite well. However, when the women were reassigned, their communication styles differed dramatically from those of their new supervisors. Instead of being able to get along with their new bosses, they experienced a lot of conflict every time they spoke to them.
What happened? Why were these women who were so successful in dealing with one type of person having so much trouble dealing with a different type of person? It is because the communication styles no longer matched and when styles don’t match, problems are almost certain to develop. (One point worth mentioning ? while we are talking about women in this situation, this problem occurs equally as often with men if they mismatch the people with whom they are communicating).
Many of us make a critical mistake when we interact with others. We believe that everyone perceives the world the same way we do. This assumption can lead to strained relationships, conflict, or worse. People are different and while we may find a large number of people who are like us, we will find an even greater number of people who are not like us.
People make unconscious decisions about whether or not they feel comfortable with us. If our styles of communicating are like theirs, we can usually develop rapport with them easily. However, if our styles are very different from theirs, they feel an unconsciousness sense of tension whenever we are around. Tension between people usually does not lead to successful interactions.
To be champion communicators, we need to change our approach to match the specific style of each individual we wish to influence. This is a powerful way to get people to feel comfortable with us; when people are comfortable with us, they are more willing to be open to what we have to say. There are four major communication styles. While everyone has some of each style incorporated into his or her own unique personality, each of us has a predominant style.
Amiables ? Are very cooperative, they get along with others, they are self-controlled, systematic, stable, patient, perseverant, accommodating, and logical. They are motivated by feeling secure, being part of a team, and feeling appreciated. They dislike conflict, taking risks and change.
Analyticals – Are rational, detail oriented, organized, unemotional, process-oriented, logical, and cautious. They are motivated by being right, doing things themselves, and being noticed for their accuracy. They dislike aggressiveness, conflict, or being forced to make quick decisions.
Drivers – Are aggressive, impatient, and results oriented. They are motivated by being in control, being number one, having personal choices, fast actions, and change. They dislike details, long drawn out conversations, and not being in charge.
Expressives – Are friendly, talkative, emotional, optimistic, people oriented, and enthusiastic. They are motivated by being liked, having fun, being noticed, and receiving approval. They dislike conflict, details, and focusing only on the business at hand.
When you recognize someone’s predominant style (especially if it differs from your own), use that style when communicating with him or her. Going back to our example with the women who were reassigned, most of them used an amiable approach, which is somewhat slow paced. However, most of their new supervisors were drivers who wanted information quickly and succinctly. After learning about different communication styles, the women used a quicker, more results oriented approach with their bosses and they were able to work together successfully.
A champion is someone who can be successful no matter what the circumstances. By adopting a chameleon communication strategy, you can change your style to match the person you are with and then you can be a champion too.
Della Menechella is a speaker, author, and trainer who helps organizations achieve greater success by improving the performance of their people. She is a contributing author to Thriving in the Midst of Change and the author of the videotape The Twelve Commandments of Goal Setting. She can be reached at della@dellamenechella.com. Subscribe to free Peak Performance Pointers e-zine – send blank e-mail to subscribe@dellamenechella.com.
An Example of Allowing a Desire to Arrive on Its Own
I don’t know why, but it seems we trip over the “allowing” part of the Deliberate Attraction formula more often than the other two parts. The Deliberate Attraction formula gives us a simple description of how to leverage the Law of Attraction so we can attract more of what we DO want and enjoy. The three steps are simply:
1) Become very clear about what you DO want.
2) Raise your internal vibration, through removing doubts and fears, so you are a vibrational match for your desire.
3) Allow your desire to come to you.
Much has been written already about the first two steps. You’ll find lots of personal stories and succinct teaching in my articles at YouCanHaveItAll.com. But how do we “allow”–what do we need to do to actually receive what we so clearly desire, yet do not have?
Recently, I had a nice experience of what it feels like to “allow.” I’ve been noticing that my office wastebasket is inadequately spilling over too often. It is just a little eight-inch sea-grass basket and it hardly holds two days worth of opened envelopes and crumpled paper. After months of mentally complaining about its lack of capacity, I finally asked myself, “So, what kind of wastebasket would I like?”
I began to imagine a sleek, black, matte finish wastebasket–about 15 inches high with a 12 inch diameter top, and tapered at the bottom. Yes, that would be adequate for a week’s worth of trash from my office and it would look professional alongside my other black office accessories.
Next I collected data on possible wastebaskets. For about a week, every time I entered a building that might have my ideal wastebasket, I looked for it. I found step-on aluminum cans–no, I don’t want to step on anything. I found black plastic trash bins with swivel lids–no, I don’t want a swivel lid–I want an open receptacle so I can toss paper into it. I found black trash cans on wheels–too industrial looking. I found ceramic pots that were almost right–too heavy to empty out. I was noticing the price range went from $18.99 to $49.99.
Finally, I let it go. I told myself, “The right one will show up.” And it did.
I was at the Hudson Bay Store, here in Victoria, BC, making a purchase when I decided to cash-in some of my “Reward Points” for a gift certificate. I had NEVER thought about cashing-in Reward Points before–it had never occurred to me to do so. I took the elevator to the fifth floor and while a delightful young lady at the Reward Counter prepared my gift certificate, my eye scanned across the isle. There I noticed A BLACK WASTEBASKET–just the size and shape I had pictured in my imagination. With gift card in hand, I swiftly crossed the isle and lifted the basket. “Ah, it is made of felt-board–very lightweight. Matte black finish with nail-head trim. About 14 inches high and 12 inches in diameter–tapered at the bottom. Very professional looking.” I turned the basket upside-down to read the price: “$16.99.” Very good! With my gift certificate in hand I proceeded to the checkout stand. When the clerk scanned the price, she gasped and asked me, “How much do you think this costs?”
“Well, the sticker says ‘$16.99′.”
She was shaking her head in disbelief as she replied, “It’s on sale for $5.00.”
“Five dollars?” I asked, in complete surprise.
“Five dollars,” she repeated.
“I’ll pay cash and save my gift certificate!”
Can you imagine the joy I felt at that moment? Not only was the price right, but the manner in which my exact desire had come to me was absolutely delicious!
“Allowing” is simply the old adage: “Let go, and let God.” It’s “Detachment from the outcome.” More like “Detachment from forcing something to happen.”
Allowing is truly letting the Law of Attraction bring your desire into your sphere in its own time, place and manner. Allowing doesn’t mean getting second best–it means allowing the Law of Attraction to bring your exact desire–in the BEST way possible.
Is there something you are not allowing through trying to make it happen or by wanting it a certain way or at a certain time? Let it go. Believe that the Law of Attraction WILL bring it to you in the perfect time and the perfect way. Believe it because that IS the law.
Do you have a secret dream, desire or hope? Contact Rebecca to learn how YOU can live your dream!
Rebecca Hanson, Law of Attraction Coach and Practitioner, is living her lifelong dream. “Six years ago, I was living on the prairies in central Canada just dreaming of living near the ocean. Actually, as far back as I can remember, I’ve always wanted to live near the Pacific Ocean. I grew up in Southern California, where I enjoyed the Santa Monica Beach as a child and teenager, but moved to Saskatchewan when I married a Canadian. That was 40 years ago. In 2000 I moved to beautiful Victoria, BC, and now I live near the ocean.”
How did it all happen? You may be wondering, “Can it happen to me?” If you want to experience prosperity, abundance and the fulfillment of your dreams you’ll be glad to know that the attainment of wealth is possible for anyone who learns how to apply the Universal Law of Attraction to all their affairs. It CAN happen to you. Read Rebecca’s story to learn how she did it and how you too can have success in every area of your life.
http://www.youcanhaveitall.com or contact rebecca @ rebecca@youcanhaveitall.com
Is Time Really Easier to Sell than Products? Generate Extra Revenue by Packaging Up What You Know
Over the years I’ve worked with very many coaches and consultants who make their money by selling blocks of time.
This is great but anyone who’s done it – also knows that when they stop working (and selling time) the money soon dries up too. This predicament is not only potentially dangerous, especially for smaller firms, but can leave you feeling trapped by your own success. There’s often never any rest without that guilty, sinking, feeling that while you’re not working you’re not earning.
So, on top of selling time, I encourage people to turn their knowledge into an information product so they can earn additional money even while they’re sleeping or having a well-earned rest, enjoying a hobby or reading a book.
Strangely though, many of these people who are so good at selling time come completely unstuck when it comes to doing the same with products. In fact, one high-earning coach I spoke to recently said, “I think you will find that selling products takes a lot more time and effort than selling services.”
Well does he have a point?
If you’re interested in turning what you know into a book, e-book, e-course or audio programme to add kudos to your main business and to bring in a bit more money each month then today’s article will come in handy.
Selling products doesn’t necessarily take a lot more time and effort than selling services – though the rules are very different…
If you have an appropriate plan (and a good target) it’s very likely they’ll be just as difficult/easy as each other – though making a lot of money quickly from products is very often harder than people think.
Making lots of money out of products does take a bit longer and it’s unlikely that a handful of CDs and books will make you into an overnight millionaire as many of these “turn your knowledge into a million quid” internet marketing “gurus” would have you believe.
An Example… We sell information products for £15 each on average (though we’ve successfully sold some for £100+) whereas I can sell time for £650-£1000 a day (excluding speaking engagements where this rate can be hourly). Therefore the ‘quantity-quality’ ratio is very different between the two. You need much bigger numbers to make products pay off.
With products of a comparatively low price you have to play a big numbers game (where the quality of the relationship is basically transactional). So it’s the high quantity of people you need to reach that can make selling products seem harder.
Now with high value services, you may only need to sell a handful of days (where the quality of the relationship is way beyond a mere transaction) a month, to earn a decent income – which makes selling time seem easier.
Now, if you didn’t already know, I stopped selling time (and taking on new clients) early in 2004 to focus on producing and selling information products instead.
So, why did I choose to stop selling time to focus 100% on products if I can make plenty of money selling time?
Because you can only effectively maintain a set number of high-quality (high-time-demand) clients without having to take on more people. This sets a limit (based on hours you’re willing to work) on your own personal earning potential. Transactional clients (people who buy a product) don’t need the same time/resource (ie personal attention, accountability – beyond a product guarantee or high skill level) which vastly increases your overall earning potential from products. You can even earn money while you’re playing ping-pong, flying a kite, or anything else you like to do with your spare time.
But the key distinction here is “earning potential”. Intellectually, selling products seems a nice and easy way to earn income – but realising the “potential” is flippin’ difficult as I’ve found out.
After focusing on products for a few years now we’re finally earning as much selling products as we were when we were just selling time – but now there are only 2 full time people to share the money with rather than 11!
So anyone thinking that giving up your consulting or coaching business and just doing products is an easy way to get rich – it isn’t – but when you’ve got the revenue coming in from almost passive sources then the ceiling on your overall earning potential can increase beyond the number of hours you are willing to exchange for cash.
And for me, time (and the freedom to spend it however you wish) is far more important than overall income.
If you’re keen to write the next business bestseller – here are a few resources that might come in handy…
* Get Yourself Published – Suzan St Maur
* Release The Book Within – Jo Parfitt
* Lean Marketing Press – Our 50-50 Publishing Deal
‘Dangerous’ Debbie Jenkins
debs@debbiejenkins.com
(c) Copyright 2005 www.BookShaker.com
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Going On a Mental Diet
Diets are always in style. Every time you turn around, someone is coming out with a new and improved diet. The latest craves are the Atkins Diet, the South Beach Diet, and Dr. Phil even has a diet he’s promoting. Everyone is on a diet.
That’s how I came up with the idea of a “mental” diet.
I thought it would be interesting if we put our mentality on a diet.
What I mean by this is let’s, for the next month or two, go on a mental diet. Let’s watch what we are feeding into our subconscious mind. What I mean by this is let’s pay close attention to the stuff that we feed into our conscious mind and make sure that we are only feeding POSITIVE thoughts into our mind.
Let’s pretend that negative thoughts are the new carbs. And every time you feed negative thoughts into your mind, it’s like eating an entire cheesecake-with strawberries on the top.
Take time to stop and pay attention to the thoughts that penetrate your subconscious mind for the next month or two; you might be surprise by the amount of negative images that are fed into your conscious mind every day and even every second of the day.
Just to prove this thought, let’s do an experiment. Today or tomorrow, when you are at work, go somewhere that a lot of employees congregate. It could be the coffee maker, the water cooler, the smoking section or the cafeteria-and eavesdrop on the conversations.
If you do this, you will realize that most people are negative. I’m sure they are not even aware of the negative thoughts or the negative energy they are putting out all day every day. If you just listen to the conversations you will most likely hear nothing but complaining. They will be complaining about their work load; about their supervisor; about their spouse; about their children; about their day-complain, complain, complain, on just about anything and everything.
On a mental diet, it is your job to stop all the negative thoughts and images that come into your mind. If you find yourself engaging in negative conversation, remember, you are on a mental diet. You cannot feed negative thoughts into your mind for the next couple of months.
Watching the news and certain television shows is out of the question–too much negativity. Now, I know that some of you are news junkies and that you may have news withdrawal. But don’t worry. If there is anything that happens that is really news worthy, you will know. Someone will feel compelled to tell you-trust me.
In order to change your life, you must change the way you think. There’s no other way around it.
To become more aware of HOW you think, you have to become aware of your thoughts and your habits. Everything that you do is out of habit-the way you walk, talk, work, dress, and behave is out of your conditioning.
Your conditioning comes from years of doing things a certain way. The way you do things is due to the fact that you have programmed your subconscious mind to work in a certain way. If you want to change your life, you have to change your programming. In order to change your programming, you must first become aware of the negative thoughts that are penetrating your subconscious mind.
People who are successful are those who have learned to eliminate their negative thoughts-they are on mental diets. They only allow positive thoughts to penetrate their subconscious mind. All negative thoughts are rejected.
Discovering your life’s purpose is the easy part. LIVING your life’s purpose is the hardest part because of your previous subconscious programming. In order to make changes you must go on a mental diet and change your negative thoughts such as “Who would ever pay me to do that?” “I can’t do anything other than what I have been doing, even if I hate the job that I presently have.” “I have no talents and no abilities.”
These are the negative thoughts that we MUST eliminate in order to move forward with our lives.
ACTION POINT: DO NOT, I repeat, DO NOT allow any negative thoughts to enter your mind for the next few weeks. If you find yourself having a negative thought, participating in a negative conversation, or viewing negative images-STOP. Replace the negative thought with a positive thought. If you are engaging in a negative conversation-STOP, and walk away, or better yet, tell the person you are conversing with that you are on a mental diet and refuse to participate in any negative chitchat.
If you seriously go on a mental diet, you will start seeing the results in your life. Positive attracts positive. Negative attracts negative. Like attracts like. It’s the law of attraction. It works all the time. Change your thoughts and you can change your life.
Dawn Fields is a motivational speaker, author and spiritual life coach who teaches about discovering and living your life’s purpose. Visit the web site at http://www.dawnfields.com and be sure to tune into her radio show, Your Life’s Purpose Interactive Internet Radio Show each Thursday at 9 p.m. EST at http://www.dawnfields.com/radioshow.htm. Be sure to sign up for Your Life’s Purpose weekly newsletter by sending a blank email to dawn@dawnfields.com
with SUBSCRIBE in the subject line.
Growing On G.R.O.W ? A More Specific Coaching Model For Busy Managers
The effective coaching of employees by their line managers is fast becoming an expectation from both senior management and from the employees themselves. Many managers are now being taught how best to coach their employees by employing the standard coaching model called G.R.O.W, where G equates to the Goal to be achieved, R to the Reality of the present situation, O for Options available and W for the Way Forward and Will.
G.R.O.W, constructed by Graham Alexander and championed by Sir John Whitmore, is a well-established coaching model and an excellent “starter” model to enable managers to get used to using a structure for coaching. Very competent managers and coaches can use the G.R.O.W. model effectively by taking time and ensuring depth at each of the four stages but busy managers or less competent managers and coaches can tend to “skip” through the stages which, can often result in the following scenarios:
? An acceptance of Goals or Objectives without checking the validity of the reasons behind wanting to achieve these goals or objectives.
? A lack of full understanding of the Performance Gap between the present situation and the desired outcome.
? A lack of exploration in the Options phase meaning that only a few options and probably the more traditional “tried and tested” options are highlighted.
? Not enough time spent checking the Motivation of the employee to move the actions forward and also discussing how the manager is going to provide onward support.
G.R.O.W provides a structure but may not provide enough “discipline” for busy managers to ensure adequate depth of understanding and support.
The OUTCOMES® coaching model has been designed to enable managers and sales managers to undertake more structured and productive coaching sessions with their employees and sales executives than perhaps they have been used to. The increased structure will result in more depth to their coaching and as such will enable an increase in more understanding, motivation and commitment to action than they may have experienced with other coaching models such as G.R.O.W.
OUTCOMES® provides more structure than G.R.O.W simply by the fact that there are more distinct stages that a manager or coach must adhere to. The initial reaction from most managers I have introduced it to has been one of initial frustration in that with it having more distinct stages to go through and check, it can take more time to implement. However, once the managers understand the reasons for the extra steps and the fact that if they use this model carefully, they will get good results, the managers have warmed to the model.
So what are the stages behind OUTCOMES®?
I am going to guide you through the model by way of a “coaching conversation” between Mark, the manager and Jonathan, the employee
O ? Objectives
It is important that the objective for the coaching session is established at the onset. What are the specific reasons for meeting and what exactly would the employee look to achieve as a result of the coaching session?
In all situations it is vital that a desired outcome or objective for the session is identified and the manager must take time to fully establish exactly what is to be achieved. Only that way can the coaching session be measured in terms of its effectiveness.
Questions to ask:
What would you like to discuss and what would you like to get out of the session?
What specifically do you want to achieve in this session?
How specifically can I help you?
How will you know that we have achieved our objectives for this session?
Be careful when accepting outcomes or objectives that cannot be realised within the course of the coaching session. Sometimes employees can come with weird and wonderful challenges and ideas and many expect solutions from one coaching session. Manage their expectations and break down the challenge or idea into manageable “chunks” so that you achieve something every session on the way to achieving the overall objective. Some objectives need to be broken down this way into smaller objectives and actions before the overall objective is realised.
Let’s start our coaching conversation between Mark and Jonathan.
Jonathan was a new employee and was attending his first review session with Mark, his line manager. Mark had contracted well with Jonathan in terms of how they were going to work together and he had also outlined that the review sessions were for Jonathan to use Mark’s coaching skills to support him to find solutions to any challenges and ideas that he had within his role. Jonathan’s mindset, based in previous experience of managers, was that this “one to one” was really just an opportunity for the manager to “check up” on what he had been up to. Jonathan did have an issue in that he was way behind with a report which is due to be handed in to another manager the following week and as such he was no way near finished it.
At the start of the meeting, Mark again outlined the aims of the “one to one” and then started the OUTCOMES® process by firstly establishing what Jonathan’s objectives were for the meeting:
Mark: “Jonathan. What specifically would you like to achieve over the next half hour?”
Jonathan: “I thought I would bring you up to date with my overall progress.”
Mark: “Anything in particular you would like support on?”
Jonathan: “I don’t think so.”
Mark: “If there was one thing in particular which if you could find a better way forward it would help your progress, what would it be?”
Jonathan: “Well. I do have to get a report in and I am already behind schedule. I would like some support in getting this finished.”
U ? Understanding
This stage is an important one in that it is vital that the manager or coach fully understands the reasons behind why the person being coached wants to achieve a particular goal or objective. It also helps if the person being coached fully understands why they want to achieve that particular goal!
You will find that on many occasions, employees identify objectives which they think the manager wants to hear. This happens if the employee has not fully committed to coaching and/or is suspicious of the manager’s motives and intentions. Perhaps they see the “one to one” as an assessment as opposed to a developmental meeting. If they do then they will be tend to be defensive and not as open to learning as they should be.
A good coaching manager will seek to establish why a particular objective is looking to be achieved. Once this has been established it not only helps the manager to understand but also reinforces the drive in the employee to attempt to achieve the objective.
Mark: “This report that you have to get completed, tell me why it is important to you that you get this report done, and on time?”
Jonathan: “I am new to the company and want to impress, so getting this report in shows that I am both keen and capable. If I don’t get it in on time then there may be some questions asked about my capability and commitment”
Let’s stop the case study there. It would have been the easiest thing in the world for Mark to suddenly jump in and start giving advice as to how to finish the report. This is the typical manager’s response. But, Mark, by asking the question as to why it is important for Jonathan to get the report right and on time, is ensuring that Jonathan is identifying and reinforcing within himself the need to get this report right. He is now more open to Mark’s coaching and Mark is now more aware of Jonathan’s desire to get the report right.
T ? Take Stock
If we continue the coaching conversation involving Mark and Jonathan the next stage of the OUTCOMES® model is to ensure that both parties have a complete understanding of where Jonathan is in relation to the overall objective which is to ensure that he has the tools and drive to complete the report.
Mark: “So, Jonathan, it transpires that you have a report to finish by next week and that you feel you are slightly behind with this.”
Jonathan: “Yes”
Mark: “How useful would it be if we worked on this together over the next half hour in order that you went away from here confident and with further information that would enable you to complete the course?”
Jonathan: “Very useful”
Mark: “OK. Tell me more about exactly what stage you are at with the report”.
Jonathan: “I have written the executive summary but I am struggling to find the information I need to complete the report”.
Mark: “What information specifically do you feel you need?”
Jonathan: “I cannot find the sales data for Product X from the last three years.”
Mark: “If you were able to access this data would this be sufficient to complete the report?”
Jonathan: “Well, yes. Although I may also need a bit of support to graph the figures.”
Mark: “If we got you support to be able to graph the figures, would this mean you could now complete the report?”
Jonathan: “Yes.”
Mark: “OK. So basically you have a report to finish by the end of next week and in order to do this you need to access three years sales data for Product X and learn how to graph these figures?”
Jonathan: “Yes”
Again, let’s stop the coaching conversation there. Mark has now established the current situation in other words they have both “Taken Stock”. Mark must now establish and clarify the exact gap that has to be “closed”.
C ? Clarify the Gap.
It is important that the manager now fully establishes exactly what has to be done in order for the employee to realise their objective. Let’s follow Mark’s coaching with Jonathan.
Mark: “Jonathan, exactly what sales figures do you require to finish this report?”
Jonathan: “I need Sales per year, quarter and by month along with growth and market share, and of course I need to present these graphically. I would like to do decent line graphs and pie-charts but don’t know where to start.”
Mark: “Anything else you would like or need?”
Jonathan: “Perhaps, some help in putting the report into a nice professional binder”
Mark: “OK. So if we can enable you to get the figures that your require plus support to graph it and present it professionally, you will have achieved your outcome?”
Jonathan: “Absolutely”
Mark is now at the stage where the outcome has been defined, the reasons established and the exact amount that has to be done identified. Mark must now ensure that he continues to coach Jonathan appropriately as opposed to just tell him where to get all these figures etc.
O ? Options Generation.
Mark: “In terms of sales figures, what have you done so far in attempting to get these?”
Jonathan: “I looked at the Sales Department’s recent communication but it only gives figures for the last six months. I need three years worth. I left voicemail messages and sent an e-mail but to no avail as I have received no replies”
Mark: “Where else could you try?”
Jonathan: “I could speak to IT, I suppose. They should have all the data on file somewhere.”
Mark: “Anything else you could do?”
Jonathan: “I really should chase up the sales guys. I actually don’t like not receiving a reply to messages that I have left!”
Mark: “What about learning how to graph the data?”
Jonathan: “IT as well?”
Mark: “Could be! You may also find that both IT and the Sales people will have the capability to show you how to present your report.
So, where are you now with a way forward?”
Jonathan: “I am going to chase up the sales guys again, perhaps even go over to their department as opposed to leaving voicemails or e-mails. I will also check with IT.”
Mark: “And the graphs and binding?”
Jonathan: “I will check with both these departments as well in relation to both the graphs and the binding”
M ? Motivate to Action
The temptation will be for many managers to leave the coaching conversation at this point but it is important that you check the motivation and capability of the person to carry out the tasks. Otherwise the action may not happen.
Mark: “Great. How confident do you feel about approaching these departments?”
Jonathan: “Now you mention it, I don’t really know anyone there and as I am new they will not know me. So I suppose, not as confident as I would like”
Mark: “What do you need to make you feel more confident?”
Jonathan: “Perhaps a personal introduction. Or even if I could just use your name?”
Mark: “Sure, just say I sent you over and you are probably best to seek out James in IT and Sally in Sales.”
E ? Enthusiasm and Encouragement.
At this stage the employee should be motivated to action and now it needs some re-inforcement from the manager.
Mark: “I am pleased with your progress Jonathan since you have been with us. Keep up the good work and thanks for the effort that you are putting in.”
Doesn’t take long to say but it can be worth one “hell of a lot” to an employee to hear these words. Sadly too many managers fail at this juncture. Also very few managers actually offer any form of support and the last stage of the OUTCOMES® model is to ensure that support is discussed.
S ? Support
Mark: “Is there any way I can be of support in enabling you to complete the reports?”
Jonathan: “At this stage I have all the information I need to move forward. If, though, I can’t contact James and Sally because of whatever reason, can I give you a call?
Mark: “Sure. Try these people and their departments first. I am sure they will help you out”.
We come to the end of our coaching conversation and we have a situation where the employee, Jonathan has come with an issue and left with action and motivation, coupled with a satisfaction in knowing that his manager, Mark, is there if he ever needs support.
Obviously it is not always this simple and that there will always be situations where the coaching conversation will be more complex but I hope that this example gives you a flavour of how to use the OUTCOMES® coaching model.
Allan Mackintosh is a Performance Management Coach with Reivers Development Ltd and who also oversees the Management Coaching Consultancy, Performance Management Coaching. He is the author of The Successful Coaching Manager book and the creator of the OUTCOMES® and CARERS? performance coaching models.
He can be contacted on 00 44 1292 318152 or e-mail at allan@pmcscotland.com
Web: http://www.reivers-dev.com and http://www.pmcscotland.com
Context is King!
If you’ve been around the Internet for more than two hours, you’ve probably heard someone say it or write it. If you haven’t, you will.
Content is King.
What they’re saying is that the message is what’s important on a web page, not spinning logos or dancing exclamation marks. You’ll see it trotted out when people ask about new technologies like streaming media and Flash presentations.
“Don’t mess with that junk. After all, Content Is King.”
It’s my observation that those people are partially right. I would amend that to:
“Content is King, IN THE RIGHT CONTEXT.”
Suppose you propped up your computer screen in front of someone who cannot read? Would your words still be more important than the Flash movie with sound? Or would the moving pictures and flowing narrative do a better job of telling your story?
The same idea applies in building a business. You can talk all you want about making $10,000 a week.
If the person you are talking to has no concept of making $10,000 a week, what you say has no meaning.
If the person you are talking to already makes $100,000 a week, your measly $10K isn’t very impressive.
The two prospects are getting the same content. They’re getting it in different contexts.
So how do you find out what the other person’s context is?
Easy.
Talk to them. And really listen to the answers you get. If you hear things like “that’s not possible” or “I can’t afford it” then you know their context doesn’t include what you’re offering.
You can use the same tool on yourself. If you find yourself resisting an idea that makes sense to you, check your context. You might not hold that idea as possible for you.
If you still want whatever that idea offers, the only answer is to change your context. Which is a subject for another day.
Here’s what you get with John McCabe’s Success Letter (http://SuccessLetter.com): Original articles that accelerate your business growth… Proven tools and resources to explode your success… Special offers that make your life and work More and Better… Part of http://Web-Guides.com.
Loving Every Phenomenal Part of You
Have you ever wished yourself away? I am not referring to leaving your precious life on this Earth; but rather, just wished you weren’t a certain way or did not have some particular qualities and mannerisms that were so apparent to you. I know I have.
In the past, I’ve had a very difficult time when others would point out my weaknesses to me, either constructively or not-so tactfully. I would think, ” Wow, not only do I think these are big problems I have, but now everyone else sees them as well.” I would hope and pray that these parts of my personality would disappear into the deep character trait abyss. I would pretend to myself they weren’t present or I would try my hardest to cover them up. I spent a lot of time and energy on hiding these areas that I wanted so desperately to vanish.
A big first step in learning to love oneself and in self-forgiveness is accepting every part of you as the unique person that you are. All of your so-labeled liabilities can be tweaked into assets, but they must first be accepted. Otherwise, you are pushing against the grain and not being authentic to your true self.
Let me give you an example of what I am talking about. In all of my past serious relationships, I have loved very passionately- so much so, that I’ve depended on the other person in the relationship for my happiness (what is commonly referred to as co-dependence). My moods depended on their moods, their well-being, or were correlated to the way they were treating me at the time. One can argue that this is not really love. I feel it was love, but with a very important component missing-that passionate love for myself? With it, the “dysfunctional” one-sided relationships may have flourished or an even more likely scenario~ I would have probably not attracted them in the first place (but that’s a topic for another day). Once I accepted this as a part of my unique persona I was able to direct it in a more healthy manner-passionate love for my child, my work, my family, my faith, and most importantly, myself.
You may find your dark sides in anger, co-dependence, low self-esteem or a combination of these or other perhaps not so desirable traits. We are missing a part of us by wishing these traits weren’t ours and not owning up to every inch of them. If we are only loving a part of ourselves or of others, we are not fully engaged in the experience of love. You know that feeling of being in a relationship where the other person may “kind of like you” or you “kind of like them”. It doesn’t flourish, and neither party is truly happy. It has been said by finding an area in which you have found the most struggles, therein lies your true purpose. These are gifts for us to embrace; lessons are presented for us to learn. Think of one of your greatest challenges-has that not shaped who you are today? When you are in the midst of it, it can be difficult; but when you step back, you see the beauty of it all.
Accept your yin and your yang. Accept your dark and your light. Accept your failures and your successes. I am not suggesting that we use this as an excuse to not participate in personal development or self-care, or to neglect to learn those lessons that are often presented to us throughout our lives. Instead I am suggesting that we embrace our unique selves and know that we are not on this Earth to take up space but rather to fulfill a beautiful life of our dreams in our own special way~ every valuable bit of us.
“If you can’t accept yourself, then certainly no one else will.” ~Author Unknown
Copyright 2005~Deborah Shipley is a registered yoga teacher, publisher of a free monthly e-zine on self-esteem, and an e-book author. This article may be distributed provided the author’s information is included in its entirety. http://www.tipsforinterpersonalskills.com
What Rules!
There are things that we do automatically internally that we don’t even realize are the things that make us who we are. Our own rules for living that we hardly ever question, and even less frequently examine.
A few months ago I made a statement in a small group of co-workers concerning the fact that somewhere along the way, as a mechanism (as in “clear the… ” (from the movie ‘For the Love of the Game’, see it if you haven’t. It’s awesome…)) for getting through tough situations, I developed the belief that I always win. ALWAYS! Until I said it and it was “out there” I hadn’t ever really thought about it in terms of being a belief that I had. I feel though that having this belief has smoothed me out. I don’t suffer drastic fluctuations in the way I feel based on how things are going for me.
Basically I always feel pretty up in the game. It’s because of this goofy voice in the back of my mind that constantly reminds me that no matter how bad things may look right now “you know you’re gonna win, why even get bothered about it”. I just believe I’m always going to win. What I’m saying here is that no matter what the situation I believe that if I keep my head, and dig into it more I will be shown a way to see myself as better off for the new experience that I’ve just encountered. No matter how rough the experience may appear to observers on the outside, you’d better understand and believe on the inside Clyde’s winnin’ baby.
A little education here, bare with me…
Back when I was playing in lots of racquetball tournaments, and losing more than I was winning, it was rough mentally. There were times at the end of certain matches when I had just got beaten so badly that I really seriously considered trying to dig a hole into that hardwood floor and covering myself up. This rather than go out of that stinkin little door and face what was on the outside of the court. Racquetball is not a huge spectator sport but there were some tournaments in California and Texas, two states where the sport enjoys it’s largest participation, when somewhere around 500 to 600 people would turn out to see the action.
Now that doesn’t sound like a lot of people when you consider how many people show up for some other sporting events, but in racquetball the fans are a lot closer to you when you exit the field of play than they are in most other sports. So close in fact that you can feel their stares and hear their comments about your performance, and we all know everyone has an opinion. They get to look into your eyes, and you into theirs. That’s close, and not always comfortable. It’s one of the now small things that I had to learn to deal with.
In racquetball if you get beat without scoring, as in 15 – 0, it’s called “taking a donut”. Let me tell you guys and girls something right here right now, you gotta have a strong constitution to take a ‘double donut’ in a 2 out of 3 game match and still show up the next weekend to possibly face the same opponent with many of the same people looking on. At one point my practice buddies took to calling me ‘the baker’. I must have set some kind of record with the number of donuts I took in tournament play. I got so tired of hearing the question “Man, what happened?” that I developed a personal policy to never talk about the score off the racquetball court. Whether I came out ahead on the scoreboard or not I never talked about it. Period.
From this policy of never acknowledging the scoreboard grew inside of me a complete lack of focus on it. I would go into matches with personal goals that had nothing to do with what was on the scoreboard or how the match turned out. What I began to figure out was that the less energy I put into keeping score the more I had to put into playing the game. Which I guess made me a better player because the better I got at controlling this focus the more I played on Saturday and Sunday. (Which is a good thing.) Mentally letting go of the scoreboard freed me up to just play, which I had no problem doing once I figured this out.
Here’s the meat.
When it comes to what you focus on, realize it’s your decision. In life you can choose to focus on what everyone else thinks is important, or you could pick 2 or 3 things for yourself. Things that are important to you. You can be told what’s important and accept what you’ve been told, or you could figure out for yourself where your focus should be based on what works for you.
Do not be afraid to be different. That’s the beauty of the system were all in here together. We’re all going to the exact same place but we all have different road maps for getting there. Your journey shouldn’t look exactly like mine, because my journey is not your journey. How you get to where we’re going is between you and your internal guide.
In closing I want to encourage you to be you. Examine the things that work for you and do more of them. The things that don’t work for you, discard them. If being focused on the scoreboard doesn’t work for you then forget it exist. Establish your own scoring system. Make your own rules. Define things in your own terms. Of course there is an established frame work within which we must all work, but I have found that the borders of this frame work are a whole lot further out than they first appear to be.
Don’t wait to be led to where you want to go, be your own leader. Go there.
Thanks for your time.
Live some. Love some. Learn some. Everyday.
C…
Clyde Dennis, a.k.a. “Mr. How-To” has been writing and publishing Articles and Newsletters online since 1999. Clyde’s company EASYHow-To Publications provides “How-To” information on How-To do, be or have just about anything one can imagine. For more information visit http://www.EASYHow-To.com. Email correspondence for Clyde should be sent to: cdennis@easyhow-to.com
Could You Be A Workaholic?
If you need to put on boots and grab a lap-top computer to relieve yourself at night, you might be a redneck workaholic.
It never crossed my mind that there could be such a thing as a redneck workaholic, until I read a column on “Are you a workaholic?”
“Did you read this?” I asked my wife. “Are you a workaholic? It looks just like those you-might-be-a-redneck jokes.”
My wife studied the page. “Maybe it was written by a redneck alcoholic.” She suggested.
“Workaholic, not alcoholic.”
“How do you know the writer is not an alcoholic?” she demanded.
“I don’t. But the column is about workaholics, and it reads just like a series of redneck jokes.”
“Well, maybe it was written by a redneck workaholic, then.” She suggested.
“No way. There is no such a thing.”
“Why not?” she wanted to know.
“Because workaholics sit late in front of computer screens and steroid-laced in-boxes, wearing $500 suits and $550 haircuts. Folks out here wear $19.95 jeans and occasionally wash their hair.”
“But many of them do spend late hours in front of their computers,” my wife pointed out.
“Like who?”
“Like you.”
“Oh, yeah?”
“Being a workaholic is not just about computers and offices and taking out a mortgage for a haircut,” she added. “Look at Buster.”
“Buster?”
“Sure, every time he’s set to retire, he goes and buys another machine,” she pointed out. “One year it was a backhoe. Another it was a dump truck.”
“Wow, he must be desperate this year.”
“Why?” my wife asked.
“Because this year he bought a whole combine?”
“Ooh, that does sound desperate.”
“?plus a farm to use it on!”
“See?” my wife smiled. “You don’t have to live in the city to be a workaholic. There can be such a thing as a workaholic redneck.
“That’s a pity. Being a workaholic means missing out on a lot of life.”
“That’s true, but it’s not just city folk who miss their kids growing up or are too busy working to help their wives clean the dishes.”
I took the hint and picked up a drying cloth. “You mean that anyone can get caught up in work, and lose sight of what’s really important? Even farmers, moat diggers and the guy who sorts through the trash at the dump looking for the tastiest morsels to throw to the gulls?”
“I suppose so,” she answered with that what-have-you-been-smoking look on her face. “Why not try to see if workaholic redneck jokes work?”
“Well, if you look forward to Christmas this year, because you might take the afternoon off from tilling the land, you might be a workaholic redneck.”
“That’s the spirit,” she encouraged.
I tried another, “If you’re drinking your morning coffee from a dirty mason jar from yesterday, you might be a workaholic redneck.”
“Very good,” she praised.
“If you stick family pictures to your backhoe window to remind you what they look like, you might be a workaholic redneck.”
“Why not try one more, just to make sure?” my wife suggested.
“OK, if you bring your work with you to your son’s baseball game, you might be a workaholic redneck.”
“Uh, OK?” she began.
“And if nobody complains about the smell, you might live in a town full of workaholic rednecks!”
“You got it!” she shouted.
I realized that I had spent way too much time talking about workaholic redneck jokes. There was only one thing I could do to compensate.
I tossed aside the drying cloth, grabbed my lap-top computer and rushed to the outhouse to catch up on a few hundred urgent emails.
About The Author
David Leonhardt is a humor columnist: http://www.thehappyguy.com/positive-thinking-free-ezine.html
He is author of Climb Your Stairway to Heaven: http://www.iuniverse.com/bookstore/book_detail.asp?isbn=0-595-17826-X
Read more personal growth articles: http://www.thehappyguy.com/self-actualization-articles.html
How to Hire a Coach
Improve Your Life! How to Hire A Coach.
A reader writes, “I do not know how or where to contact a coach here. What kind of background should a good coach have?”
Perhaps others of you wondered the same thing. Hiring a coach takes some investigation on your part but according to the February issue of “Fast Company” magazine there are 20,000 coaches in the world so locating one isn’t going to be difficult. (See below for a link to the Fast Company article.) If you want a coach in your country that is definitely possible since coaching is a worldwide profession. That said however many coaches coach on the telephone so you are not limited to coaches in your country.
Where do you look for a coach? My favorite way of finding anything I need is to ask others who have had experience with it. So to find a coach I would ask my friends who their coach is. If that doesn’t work then there are directories of coaches on the web. A few such websites are: and .
You will need to have some search criteria to find the coach that is right for you. If your issues are work related you might want a business coach, a career coach, an executive coach or a corporate coach. If you have personal issues, you might want a personal coach, a life coach or a relationship coach. Another search criteria might be your country if you prefer to be coached by someone there.
The International Coach Federation, an association for coaches, suggests that people interview at least 3 coaches before deciding on one coach. That said I think what is most important is your trust and connection with your coach. If you call one coach and your intuition tells you this is the coach for you, then hire him or her. The one thing I do know is that you must believe that the coach can help you for the coaching to work. It is the coaching relationship that is most important.
Before you decide on which coaches to interview, go to their website if they have one and get a feel for the coach. Subscribe to his/her newsletter or read articles in the archives of the website. It will help you to understand where the coach is coming from and if his/her values align with yours. Finally many coaches give Teleclasses. This is a great way to “put your toe in the water” without a huge financial commitment.
Coaches come from many diverse backgrounds. There are former therapists, educators, and business people. Depending on your need one background may be more appropriate for you.
Some coaches have additional training as a coach. Rather than telling the client what to do, the coach’s role is to help the client to find his/her own path. Coach training programs give the coach the tools and resources to guide and motivate the client without pushing him/her. The advantage of having a trained coach is that he/she has no agenda other than to help you succeed.
For the interview you will want a list of questions that will help you to decide if this is the coach for you. (See below for a way to receive a list of questions to ask.) Let the coaches know your expectations and needs so that they can have a chance to tell you if they can meet them.
Finally be sure to discuss the fee with the coach. You must feel that the benefit of coaching is worth the cost of the coach and that you can easily afford that fee without cutting back on necessities.
Take Action
1. Ask friends about coaches they or any of their acquaintances use.
2. Search and http://www.coachfederation.org for names of coaches to interview.
3. What kind of help are you looking for? Make a list of questions you would like to ask the coach. I have a list of questions that used to be on the CoachU website. If you would like the list, send an email to with “Coach Questions” as the subject.
4. Interview the coaches and let me know the result!
5. Read “Are You Being Coached?” from this month’s Fast Company magazine
Alvah Parker is a Business and Career Coach as well as publisher of Parker’s Points, an email tip list and Road to Success, an ezine. Parker specializes in helping professionals create a career that is fun, fulfilling and profitable. Alvah is found on the web at http://www.asparker.com. She may also be reached at 781-598-0388.
